Love: Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see...

By toastedguy - 01/12/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 661

You deserved it 13 160

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Weird movie choice

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 00:01

Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 379

By harrysolo - 19/07/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 572

You deserved it 65 212

Protection

By Anonymous - 03/07/2020 08:01

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 22:00

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 288

By Alec - 10/12/2012 07:01 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 795

You deserved it 1 920

By fredfredburger - 25/06/2014 17:45 - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 412

You deserved it 13 812

Hey… you

By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - 09/12/2012 21:52 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 186

You deserved it 8 137

Date night

By avaiia - 09/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 776

You deserved it 1 607

By StayPositive - 03/11/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 477

You deserved it 9 613

Romantic move

By soomeone - 16/02/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 682

You deserved it 25 655

Rellich 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 12:33

I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...

smiller0789 3

Tuesday 1 December 2009 12:31

******...up

Comments

ithatguy 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 1:54

OP here, 1. It was AFTER the movie. 2. it was more of a gotee, def not a full beard. 3. It's frigging COLD outside so I put my beanie on, she stole it to flirt so I stole he phone when she sat it down. 4. She DID apologize after saying it was an accident. 5. And guilt card may or may not be played at a later time. 6. Megan Fox would have been a much better bella and made the movie so much better to watch. and for the sake of saying it, we are both in our 20's...no pedobear here oh and what's "YDI"?

sandyra513 0

Sunday 6 December 2009 1:05

Saying that Megan Fox would have made a better bella tells me that you are a perv! I dont like Kristin either but Megan isn't a better actress...you just want to stare at her boobs or something you dirty perv!

ithatguy 0

Sunday 6 December 2009 5:35

and how many girls went to drool over edward's and jacob's bodies? pretty sure every girl in there creamed when they came on screen

Danzergirl1 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 2:12

YDI for hating New Moon. Fail.

Alice_Cullen7 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 2:19

SHUT UP NEW MOON IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!!! THE ONLY THING THAT SUX IN IT IS EDWARD.

firstdayofsummer 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 3:10

that's what you get for dissing new moon asshole

ithatguy 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 4:10

granted "new moon" IS better than "Twilight" but it still was lacking compared to the book.

blmred 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 4:22

YDI for goin to that shity movie

ziqi92 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 4:26

the day i see no more twilight fmls bcuz of stupid fangirls is the day i'll weep with joy!!!!!!!!!!

crazytoaster 2

Wednesday 2 December 2009 4:49

Beards are awesome. The most manly of cultures sported beards as a sign of masculinity, age and wisdom. Plus, they keep you warmer in the winter AND you have something to stroke while you are thinking. Which is awesome. @ OP That was a problem that could've been solved by a simple headbutt.