Intimacy: Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow....

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 097

You deserved it 13 729

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Same thing different taste

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 277

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 470

You deserved it 763

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 990

You deserved it 4 772

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 709

You deserved it 3 993

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 055

You deserved it 3 517

By Mygawdwhy - 21/01/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 185

You deserved it 2 059

By tracy4191 - 18/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 556

You deserved it 737

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 3 323

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 222

awuh_man 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

haha that sucks was it hot?

Dboy23 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 16:11

LMFAO! Horny little bugger are we?

Comments

hotissue 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 17:51

your mom is weird i think i would be kinda disturbed and walk away

dougriss 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 17:52

I bet u were dreaming of her. And #21 thats wierd as hell

mmmyeahsaraa 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 17:53

yeah wtf? ur mom is a tiny bit on the freaky sideeee lmaoo

Monado 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 18:02

How does someone wake up finding themselves humping pillow? Was he just sleep walking or what?

isodufff 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 18:05

that is the best one i've ever heard.

maddog_fml 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 18:11

Haha! Nice one. Tip: Next time try a girl or woman.

Lovely_Loser 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 18:15

oooooooooh this made me laugh so hard. i once had a boyfriend who would hump my leg in his sleep... it would wake me up in the night......

Crunchy_fml 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 19:49

Your boyfriend was a dog?

Maddoctor 10

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:55

Haha aren't all boyfriends? Jk, jk.

Danieeru 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 7:58

That was just...an epic win there, Maddoctor. xD

LaurentL 26

Saturday 4 July 2009 18:17

you *****

S3A82 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 18:31

kinky. i hope you at least took it to dinner beforehand

SP63_fml 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 18:34

Was it at least wearing a pillow case?

sublime93 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 18:42

Rofl.

werewolf_13 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 19:25

omfg, roflmfao!!!! :D

remedy_1991 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 20:14

Hahahahahahaha, Thats great.

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I agree, your life sucks 54 619

You deserved it 15 052

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I agree, your life sucks 0

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The Top

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 300

You deserved it 7 972

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321 546

You deserved it 23 014

Today, via a situation too complicated to explain, I accidentally cost my boss almost 50,000, on the same day his wife asked for a divorce and his dog died. I’m almost too scared to tell him how I screwed up, in case it sends him completely off the deep end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 273

Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 312

You deserved it 32 629

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 965

You deserved it 2 524

Today, I had a customer propose to me. I work at Taco Bell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 117