Kids: Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth...

By life insurance for 1 - 30/05/2013 16:29 - United States - Encino

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 703

You deserved it 5 586

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Same thing different taste

By beya - 31/08/2009 22:05 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 982

You deserved it 5 895

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 990

You deserved it 4 772

By sickmom - 21/01/2014 11:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 625

You deserved it 5 522

By I don't know, son - 16/11/2013 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 846

You deserved it 4 781

By Ishowet - 31/05/2017 12:00 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 475

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 217

You deserved it 4 774

By George Saunders - 21/03/2012 04:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 084

You deserved it 53 494

By Viciousvixen_21 - 02/04/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 670

You deserved it 12 246

By DrtySnchez - 18/08/2013 09:37 - United States - Statham

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 983

You deserved it 3 655

By mommyopps - 26/03/2016 02:14 - United States - Madison Lake

Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 906

You deserved it 3 573

watchme 11

Friday 31 May 2013 3:30

I suggest locking your door at night

shorty6823 28

Friday 31 May 2013 3:30

I don't think he's old enough to really understand death... And how permanent it is

Comments

kentuckyguy 4

Friday 31 May 2013 3:59

"Love ya honey,but nothing to do here"

asherm 15

Friday 31 May 2013 4:01

He sounds sweet. Time for a priest or psychologist

olpally 32

Friday 31 May 2013 4:03

Stewie griffin trying to kill Lois?? Lmao. Yikes!

Softballchhickk 11

Friday 31 May 2013 4:14

haha it's a perfect plot for a family guy episode

BlackPhenom 9

Friday 31 May 2013 4:06

He's possessed! Might be your wife next.

DracoSpirita 21

Friday 31 May 2013 5:25

Or, y'know, husband. Because most women are straight.

MartiOan 8

Friday 31 May 2013 13:03

You're so heteronormative

DracoSpirita 21

Friday 31 May 2013 14:25

Not really. I'm a lesbian, and have been with my girlfriend for seven months now. But in my experience, most women are straight, because in my life I've only met three other women who lean towards being with other girls, one of whom is my girlfriend.