Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes,...

By Milked Richard - 06/02/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 195

You deserved it 5 634

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

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Same thing different taste

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 908

You deserved it 36 516

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 763

You deserved it 1 184

By idontbleedfromthere - 22/08/2012 23:10 - United States - Indio

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 977

You deserved it 2 184

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 025

You deserved it 34 870

By man-period? - 02/03/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 434

You deserved it 1 632

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 11:15 - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 790

You deserved it 2 046

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 486

You deserved it 468

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 348

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 921

You deserved it 4 590

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 626

You deserved it 1 064

adamjcurryy 19

Friday 6 February 2015 9:49

I'd love to know the story behind this.

HereNReady 13

Friday 6 February 2015 9:50

I think this may be the first time in 30 years that I literally have nothing to say. Enjoy therapy!

Comments

str1kepa1n 16

Friday 6 February 2015 14:08

That's some real engineering.

hilaria_5994 6

Friday 6 February 2015 14:51

Party in Australia

moomimamoo 24

Friday 6 February 2015 15:02

People do some weird things...

ohSNAPyall 26

Friday 6 February 2015 15:41

Was the tape really necessary?

buymevickis92 26

Friday 6 February 2015 15:43

op when you find out what happened please share lol

lazyslumber 18

Friday 6 February 2015 16:11

Is the milk bottle filled with a white liquid or a yellow liquid?

badgercheese94 16

Friday 6 February 2015 16:47

Asqueroso!

badgercheese94 16

Friday 6 February 2015 16:48

moooo

Parvati48 15

Friday 6 February 2015 16:48

Lol! Sorry OP, hope the little guy didn't get hurt in the removal process. I really hope there is a follow up to this! XD

Badkarma4u 17

Friday 6 February 2015 16:51

Sounds like one hell of a party OP. Youre a f'n rockstar.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, some idiot kid teased and taunted me for weeping on my "already bad performance", recording it on his phone threatening to put it on social media. I was singing and playing the guitar, in front of my childhood sweetheart, and supposedly soon-to-be wife's grave. It was our song. I do this every year on this day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 108

Today, my sister, who used to be my best friend, texted me asking why we never talk anymore. Hmm, maybe it’s because she stopped answering my calls, texts, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, psychic reachings, and every other form of communication since she got a new boyfriend six months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 145

The Top

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 583

You deserved it 2 139

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend. I sat her down and gave her the speech. She broke down in tears and said, “Why does every guy always abandon me? Why am I never good enough?” I felt so bad for her that I took back the breakup and we’re still together now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 752

Today, I'm in hell. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, but if I sleep more than 6 hours, I get crippling migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 99

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 621

You deserved it 7 523

Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 mins. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 300

You deserved it 47 130

Today, I discovered that my fiancé and I had vastly different definitions of monogamy. Don't worry, he only did it when he was mad at me to remind him how much he loved me. I found out from my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 303

You deserved it 235

Same thing different taste

New one

It's a witch!

Meow!

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