Intimacy: Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for...

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 470

You deserved it 7 480

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Same thing different taste

By AMIGODO - 12/02/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 862

You deserved it 5 119

How can I make this about me?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 18:01

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 164

Sharing is caring

By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 171

You deserved it 575

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 226

You deserved it 17 609

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 849

You deserved it 18 701

Denied

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 02:02

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 375

By mylifesucks - 18/04/2009 07:20 - Netherlands

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 374

You deserved it 7 034

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 139

You deserved it 4 169

By Amazon Ruined My Life - 28/12/2018 14:00

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 3 427

By Ohgodhelpme - 25/10/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 544

You deserved it 772

AndelleRae 9

Monday 1 June 2009 20:07

Self-masturbation? Is there any other kind? Lol. I'm sorry. I'm not usually a grammar Nazi on these websites, but I felt like being a smart ass. Maybe she got it for you to spice things up in your sex life? She might like the idea of you using it. I don't know. I don't really think this is an FML, but I'm sorry that you were unhappy with it.

Eresbel 0

Monday 1 June 2009 20:20

This isn't an FML, this is just an idiot who doesn't realize what a nice wife he has. She doesn't have to have sex with you whenever you want, but she still wants you to be happy and satisfied, so she buys you an aid to help you out whenever she can't. That's thoughtful and kind. F your wife's life because she's got such a prick for a husband.

Comments

yay4felix 0

Friday 14 August 2009 20:18

I would totally get something like that for my husband. I love having sex with him, and sometimes we just like a little bit of kinky stuff. Maybe she meant it like that? Perhaps, you know, you could maybe, uh, ASK her about it? I hate to be rude, but DUH!

lucy_98_kate 0

Friday 9 October 2009 6:37

so what? cool present i think.

pinkcrown 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 0:38

The keyword here is "myself"

jpest17 5

Friday 1 January 2010 22:37

win? YES! u have a wife and she incourages sexual activity!

mylifesux759 0

Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:16

masturbation IS by yourself. you don't have to say self masturbation.

gabinel1 0

Friday 27 August 2010 13:43

Arent u suppose to have sex with ur wife?

i8thelastcookeii 0

Friday 1 October 2010 1:06

um, how is this a fml? gosh.

coolkiid999 0

Sunday 16 January 2011 14:34

Oh yeah your lifes a mess! -_-

angels_siren 0

Thursday 3 March 2011 0:04

I kind of agree with number eight, my bf says it takes along time to make me cum, but i know for sure he wouldnt buy me a vibrator. hell thatd just be competition to him, and he'd never get his favorite thing again- bjs.. Just cuz it takes a long time doesnt mean we both have to suffer or only one of us "wins". i try to leave both of us satisfied, and try to teach him how to pleasure me, since ive learned to pleasure him and enjoy it :)