Miscellaneous: Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I...

By Anna L. - 25/03/2013 00:23 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 174

You deserved it 6 587

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Same thing different taste

By spriggs - 25/07/2010 09:06 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 844

You deserved it 127 646

By Anonymous - 06/03/2014 02:09 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 248

You deserved it 16 848

By anonymous - 20/12/2010 11:23

Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 113

You deserved it 3 265

Sorry, man

By Lii - 24/03/2015 01:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 091

You deserved it 15 420

By Jebus - 07/06/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 137

You deserved it 60 993

Halloween has started early

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 00:01

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 165

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 268

You deserved it 8 190

Freaked out

By CriminalMistake - 04/05/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 663

You deserved it 63 209

Sussy baka

By black hoodie - 19/05/2013 23:07 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 165

You deserved it 5 974

By pinkrazrgirl247 - 03/07/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 437

You deserved it 52 213

Rumbelle_fml 22

Monday 25 March 2013 9:23

That's a clear violation of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy, and I sincerely hope you reported him to the Ministry.

Gaga_is_God6969 13

Monday 25 March 2013 9:22

LMFAO. I'm sorry....but that's kinda awesome, actually.

Comments

Kristoffer 35

Monday 25 March 2013 16:48

The old fool can't tell a Death Eater from a Dementor.

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Monday 25 March 2013 17:45

That's hilarious!

avaeba 14

Monday 25 March 2013 18:06

Your life might be really awesome

onorexveritas 23

Monday 25 March 2013 19:00

that is hilarious xD best fml

mokielove 10

Monday 25 March 2013 19:11

Lmao Omg I laughed so hard. you shoulda drooped rolled graded a stick jumped up and said avadacadaba .

DracoSpirita 21

Monday 25 March 2013 21:01

It's Avada Kedavra, you Muggle.

diaosi 4

Tuesday 26 March 2013 11:08

Abracadabra

shayundead 9

Monday 25 March 2013 21:45

thats awesome :)

jcrb 11

Monday 25 March 2013 22:24

EPIC!!

BrayB 6

Monday 25 March 2013 23:19

That's awesome

xkncas 8

Monday 25 March 2013 23:36

More like he expected you to go buy him a bottle of patron...lazy f***er.

poetry10111 6

Tuesday 26 March 2013 1:34

That is epic!!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after moving to a new house my life has fallen apart, paperwork lost, appointments missed, job offers rescinded, and now I know why. The postbox by my new house isn’t in use, so four months worth of the letters I've posted are sitting uncollected inside it. It even has a big "Not in use" sign on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 533

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the father of my kids, had been practically begging women to sleep with him throughout the duration of both pregnancies, and has also spent hundreds of dollars on OnlyFans every month. He promised to permanently delete OnlyFans three times and still hasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 582

The Top

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 175

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 786

You deserved it 2 627

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worried he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I'd left the cash in the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 596

You deserved it 83 450

Today, I got a call from my panicking grandmother. I asked her what was going on, and she explained that, “Godzilla doesn’t work.” Not really understanding, I asked her to clarify. “Yes, you know, Godzilla, to go on the internet.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 765

You deserved it 1 157

Today, I was standing on the balcony I share with the neighboring apartment. My morbidly obese neighbor didn't know I was there, and walked out with her breasts exposed. Her boyfriend then walked out and struck up a conversation with me about the fine weather we're having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 168

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 305

You deserved it 9 128