Miscellaneous: Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I...

By N - 08/02/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 388

You deserved it 5 245

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

There's always that one friend…

By seriously? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 305

You deserved it 10 680

Awkward conversation

By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 378

By weirdesout - 05/06/2010 02:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 980

You deserved it 8 743

Sensual moment

By Ekh0es - 11/04/2021 15:30 - United States - Garfield

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub when she started to breathe heavily. I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck. She then turned around and said, "Tell my roommate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 2 501

By Brennan Lebrun - 18/05/2018 05:00

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 925

You deserved it 369

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/08/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 567

You deserved it 1 913

By Anonymous - 23/01/2015 14:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 135

You deserved it 3 066

Classic move

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 20:00 - Canada - Saint-jérôme

Today, I walked up to my friend and slapped her ass, because that’s what we always do. Turns out, it wasn’t my friend, it was a total stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 1 211

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 160

You deserved it 3 658

By DumbFace714 - 14/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 880

You deserved it 2 821

katieatieay 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 16:09

you were sorely mistaken.

Roi_fml 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 15:52

... lulwut?

Comments

dinosareawesome 0

Wednesday 15 April 2009 23:55

So?

supergeniuse 0

Friday 12 June 2009 4:49

Yah well that's because ur a dumb bitch. :D

grace2_89 0

Saturday 13 June 2009 5:09

I think the FML refers to the fact that this person had no idea what the term meant. :-P

KiwiGrimm 0

Saturday 19 September 2009 2:49

not an fml

mr_funny 0

Wednesday 7 October 2009 0:28

your life sucks for having that dirt for your best friend.

xenomorph 0

Monday 2 November 2009 2:22

Throat rape = trying to sing the lyrics to death metal songs. Your friend was offering you a challenge.

Marss_fml 0

Tuesday 17 November 2009 5:41

And now you do?

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv 2

Friday 5 February 2010 5:30

LOL Surprise sex? hahaha

depotst 0

Wednesday 28 April 2010 16:20

lol I caught that too...

SeaNDouble 1

Monday 12 July 2010 3:51

stupid this is not an FML

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Intimacy Sex Am I overreacting? Friends Awkward Management Work Poopoo peepee Relatable Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise

The Top

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 980

You deserved it 10 418

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 365

The Top

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 983

You deserved it 4 684

Today, the elevator at work was taking forever so I decided to make a change and take the stairs instead. I slipped on the second step and spent the next few minutes laying there as people asked if I was OK. My pride is bruised… as well as my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 109

Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 314

You deserved it 8 038

Today, my mom ate some flowers without knowing if they were safe. Turns out they are slightly poisonous and she had an upset stomach, but she will be fine. Her excuse? "I didn't know it had poison." I had to explain that's exactly why you don't eat plants you don't know are poisonous or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 97

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 611

You deserved it 3 082

Today, I'm a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting guy of about 30 gets on board with two huge bags. Worried, I keep an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 47