Miscellaneous: Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I...

By N - 08/02/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 388

You deserved it 5 245

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Same thing different taste

There's always that one friend…

By seriously? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 305

You deserved it 10 680

Awkward conversation

By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 378

By weirdesout - 05/06/2010 02:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 980

You deserved it 8 743

Sensual moment

By Ekh0es - 11/04/2021 15:30 - United States - Garfield

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub when she started to breathe heavily. I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck. She then turned around and said, "Tell my roommate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 2 501

By Brennan Lebrun - 18/05/2018 05:00

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 925

You deserved it 369

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/08/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 567

You deserved it 1 913

By Anonymous - 23/01/2015 14:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 135

You deserved it 3 066

Classic move

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 20:00 - Canada - Saint-jérôme

Today, I walked up to my friend and slapped her ass, because that’s what we always do. Turns out, it wasn’t my friend, it was a total stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 1 211

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 160

You deserved it 3 658

By DumbFace714 - 14/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 880

You deserved it 2 821

katieatieay 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 16:09

you were sorely mistaken.

Roi_fml 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 15:52

... lulwut?

Comments

TheFuckerofShit 16

Monday 28 February 2011 4:45

Hahaha.

TeenieAmerica 9

Thursday 17 March 2011 3:39

I don't know what the context is, but I'm pretty sure that she was joking. People don't seriously say things like that.

gilbert44 0

Wednesday 23 March 2011 2:40

take it as a compliment jeez

RussiasVodka 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:34

The only thing better than that comment is the fact that your name is THROATGUY.

minidonut54 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 20:35

SHE told. SHE. girls don't give oral. (no dingaling.)

randomstudios 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 6:36

Ackbar

dancin_3 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 11:09

Wow i mean wow im sorry dude

maddie2015 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 7:05

wtf......

CanadianNarwhal 13

Tuesday 26 July 2011 7:01

You don't need a "dingaling" to give oral. If you wanna know how that works, google it. Sincerely, A Lesbian

ifetayo 2

Saturday 20 August 2011 2:43

...and this is an FML because....?

Keywords

Parenting Kids Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Awkward Friends Poopoo peepee Work Management Frustration Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Technology Mental health Health Anxiety Sleep Clumsy

The Top

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 77

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 066

You deserved it 410

The Top

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 334

Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 2 144

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 324

You deserved it 2 673

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 546

You deserved it 10 181

Today, some guy woke me up at 5.30am by yelling outside my window. I opened the window and told him to knock it off before going back to bed. It took a good 3 minutes of his laughter before I realised I was naked and he got a close-up view of my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 674

You deserved it 3 240

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 452

You deserved it 7 660