Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge."...

By purged - 08/06/2013 23:43 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 067

You deserved it 8 647

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/02/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 792

You deserved it 7 817

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 628

Cancelled

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said, "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 371

You deserved it 8 820

By kel - 08/11/2013 23:50 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 958

You deserved it 7 474

Good to know

By DeadScared - 19/09/2011 00:23 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 015

You deserved it 3 567

By Abendigo77 - 14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 565

You deserved it 6 842

By Anonymous - 07/09/2016 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 457

You deserved it 2 118

Foreshadowing

By Confused - 31/07/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 266

By fmmmmlll - 12/06/2012 05:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 2 450

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 27/05/2024 08:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 93

Rawr6591 21

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:03

That's a red flag

angelofsaturn 23

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:05

I'd sleep with a machete from now on.

Comments

Cristoforo 17

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:12

Time for you to "purge" the relationship and leave him

svalaedgren 18

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:15

I'm sure he wouldn't considering he's involved with you. If he doesn't like you all he has to do is to break up with you.

AninOnin 24

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:17

Or kill you... Dun dun DUUUUNNNN

KingCeltic77 18

Sunday 9 June 2013 15:21

12- I'm sure Drew Peterson thought the same way. Oh wait...

mortem 12

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:18

Perhaps he was just joking? nontheless, still cruel of him!

kim_larsa 5

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:19

Break up with him and get a girlfriend.

MilkyFilmz 26

Sunday 9 June 2013 14:36

Op is a girl..

Capriccio22 13

Sunday 9 June 2013 14:44

#42 you're a bit slow aren't ya

Alihb 16

Monday 10 June 2013 5:43

You're a retard

alycion 38

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:25

What is that old saying about asking a stupid question? Of course that is the answer he is going to come back with.

Tpracingkg 15

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:34

Hahahahahahahahaha

Kkkdawg 27

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:37

Don't worry OP, my boyfriend said he'd kill me first when the apocalypse happens. I'm pretty sick/weak/slow so it's probably for the best..

brittyboo123 35

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:57

He's probably just joking...hopefully.

INDYSTRUCTABLE 43

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:57

well... you asked

noelasis94 18

Sunday 9 June 2013 11:00

The purge and fml strange combo, don't you think?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 050

You deserved it 409

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss, who said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 555

You deserved it 17 170

The Top

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 078

You deserved it 2 919

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 437

You deserved it 6 746

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 754

You deserved it 4 820

Today, I went outside to enjoy the cool air without my glasses. I saw my neighbor doing the same, so I waved and said hi. When she didn't respond, I yelled and went back inside. It was only later when I went back out with my glasses on that I realized I was being ignored by a Halloween decoration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 501

You deserved it 33 719

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 921

You deserved it 4 590

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 596

You deserved it 2 458