Animals: Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast....

FML for mobile
Free

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 939

You deserved it 4 624

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 4 662

Rise and shine

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 504

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 269

You deserved it 7 320

Cujo, but for cats

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 08:01

Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 304

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 261

You deserved it 5 275

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 334

By tornkhakis - 24/02/2014 07:20 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 202

You deserved it 4 178

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 779

You deserved it 31 292

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 637

You deserved it 1 067

nswan 5

Thursday 28 October 2010 19:50

lucky cat...

steelersfan32 0

Thursday 28 October 2010 20:24

ydi for having boobs hard enough for a cat to sharpen them on.

Comments

Gazarok 0

Friday 29 October 2010 13:10

kinky! ive met some girls who love being scratched on their breast haha

DevianceIsBliss 0

Friday 29 October 2010 22:20

Thank you for sharing that wonderful statement.

ryukensfj 5

Friday 29 October 2010 14:02

you deserve it for having a cat

cycle227 3

Friday 29 October 2010 16:26

Anyone who owns a cat, definitely deserves it... "I love cats because they're sooo independent" well, then get ready being used...

shockwave259 6

Friday 29 October 2010 18:06

pop!

munkee_6669 0

Friday 29 October 2010 22:10

you get kinky with your pussy don'tcha lol

smurfledouche 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 6:28

alli?

persianlovaaa691 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 9:56

omg that would hurt so much:( reow!

LIVE2FAIL 0

Monday 30 May 2011 5:24

you so fine girl

Spirit_Of_Nature 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 15:20

ouch is right 0_0. *cringes* jeesh >.<

WickedPixie 0

Sunday 31 October 2010 6:06

Same has happened to me. My cat is a little bastard.

chasadilla 0

Sunday 31 October 2010 7:52

that's why all cars should drop dead...

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Kids Weird Babysitter Love Geek Healthy Lifestyle AITA Cheating Birthday Awkward Surprise Relationship advice Mental health Family Work Embarrassing Music Transportation Cars Health Parents Money Video games Argument Intimacy NSFW Sex Miscellaneous Teenagers Public freakouts

The Top

Today, in a restaurant, staff asked me to fix my skirt because multiple customers complained my buttcrack was putting them off their food. I thought the waiter was using fake complaints to justify his rudeness, but when I got up to fix it fully, half the restaurant applauded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 2 059

Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 200

You deserved it 2 648

The Top

Today, I had to deal with my crazy new neighbour who tried to physically stop me from laying my new driveway, on my property, because she claimed she’s allergic to cement while it’s still wet. Even if that were true, piss off back to your house away from the wet cement then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 100

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 486

You deserved it 10 810

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 888

You deserved it 3 896

Today, I found out the boyfriend of 2 years is actually 22 years-old instead of the 28 that he told me. I'm turning 39 this year and I'm very pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 494

Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 559

You deserved it 500

Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 552

You deserved it 812