Miscellaneous: Today, my dad had his "sixteen years overdue" vasectomy. I'm...

By davidh5012 - 27/11/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, my dad had his "sixteen years overdue" vasectomy. I'm fifteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 522

You deserved it 2 894

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Same thing different taste

By LuckySperm - 12/08/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 422

You deserved it 3 137

By TMI - 04/06/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 884

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 21:29 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 986

You deserved it 3 897

Men and their balls

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 05:01

Today, five years after the birth of our last child, my husband still hasn't gotten the vasectomy he swore he would get. He wouldn't let me get my tubes tied, because it was "the least he could do," but when I ask about it, I'm a nag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 205

Birthday Boy

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 186

Nice to know

By rejectedson - 15/10/2009 23:23 - United States

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 667

You deserved it 2 257

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 687

You deserved it 91 589

By Star_Wars_Lover - 26/04/2016 15:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 775

You deserved it 1 665

Pull yourself together

By ohgosh1428 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 245

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 494

You deserved it 3 967

chazzlerazzle 0

Monday 28 November 2011 0:14

Dude don't worry if he really didn't want you he would of falcon punched your mom right in the stomach when he found out she was pregnant

Insane_Tea 15

Monday 28 November 2011 0:17

At least your mother isn't having a fifteen years over-due abortion...

Comments

TypicalTroll 0

Monday 28 November 2011 2:55

What is a vasectomy?

shazza26 1

Monday 28 November 2011 2:56

In that case, did your dad throw you an early sweet sixteen party this year?

chels1994 11

Monday 28 November 2011 3:07

He's just bustin your balls. It's what dads do

Justin23L 2

Wednesday 30 November 2011 4:06

Playing the 'regretting your existece and creation' card is tad more than ball busting.

ebxr82nv 2

Monday 28 November 2011 3:52

Harden up princess

ninja1216 0

Monday 28 November 2011 3:56

Plus nine months of pregnancy so he is right

Alexisthebestest 16

Monday 28 November 2011 5:12

Actually, you're pregnant for 10 months.

maphineRAWRS 10

Monday 28 November 2011 13:46

lolwut

needsagf14 12

Monday 28 November 2011 4:33

Kick his groin

iilovecokee 6

Monday 28 November 2011 4:40

I wouldn't worry about it too much. People aren't too precise about numbers, I'm sure he was just rounding. :)

ilovejosh63 0

Monday 28 November 2011 4:56

your an a s s

saddgurl 0

Monday 28 November 2011 4:57

You should of said "Well atleast I'm not getting my balls chopped off, HA"

saddgurl 0

Monday 28 November 2011 4:58

Or not you might get grounded

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The Top

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 512

You deserved it 84 246

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 398

The Top

Today, I can only eat gluten-free food because gluten gives me diarrhea. I’m also vegan, so I bought some vegan cheese and salami to have a mess-free sandwich on the bus. As it turns out, vegan salami consists of 6% gluten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 1 080

Today, after a year of living with my girlfriend, I came to the conclusion that I'm never going to marry her. I packed my things, wished her well in her life, and loaded everything up into my car. It's been working fine up until this afternoon. Now it won't start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 784

Today, my wife said I was being difficult and unreasonable, and called my mother to talk to me about my behaviour. What did I do, you ask? I dared to share my opinion on something I happen to feel strongly about, instead of just mindlessly agreeing with her opinion like I have for the past 22 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 283

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my grandfather. That's where I tripped over a loose cord in the hallway, resulting in a fractured elbow. I ended up in the emergency room and didn't even get to see my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 203

You deserved it 322

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 199

You deserved it 17 554

Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said, "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did, I wouldn't have hired you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 698

You deserved it 14 377