Health: Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't... - FML

By duhasiangirl - 15/11/2012 00:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 311

You deserved it 2 749

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By ugh - 04/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 442

You deserved it 1 120

Spooky!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2015 16:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 067

You deserved it 2 361

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 23:07 - United States - Auberry

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 13 274

By sick of this shit - 12/03/2016 13:33 - United States - West Grove

Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 952

You deserved it 1 753

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 264

You deserved it 7 806

By frogdog563 - 01/09/2019 14:00

Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 383

Cheapskate

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 05:01

Today, I asked my sister why she doesn’t visit our dad in hospital anymore. He’s been in a coma for months, but what she said was just nasty. Apparently, if she wanted to talk to a vegetable, she’d yell into the fridge once a week, at least it would save her the long bus ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 185

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 641

You deserved it 6 666

By StillBetterThanTwilight - 28/08/2012 15:56 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 589

You deserved it 2 608

Hot Hot Hot

By Cliff - 13/02/2022 16:00

Today, I nearly burnt a hole in my esophagus because I couldn’t stand my dad’s taunts about me not being able to stomach ghost pepper hot sauce. Irony is a cruel bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 1 117

Next

Top comments

secretsymbiote21 5

Thursday 15 November 2012 8:43

onions make them cry. your dad is a smart man.

chelseaaababyyy 17

Thursday 15 November 2012 8:44

Well, if you were a spirit, would you like to haunt a smelly room? I think not.

Comments

Why_Not31 12

Monday 24 December 2012 3:53

My Mom used to hang wind chimes in front of every window to ward off evil spirits. I didn't mind that, but she also used to chant weird stuff and sprinkle herbs that made me sneeze everywhere. I stopped complaining after she hung a charm over the door of the bathroom connected to the bedroom I shared with my sister. From that night onwards, the weird noises and awful smells that used to come from under the door stopped. I don't know if it was just coincidence, but I was a lot less skeptical when my Mom did all of the little odd things she did.

notmanynamesleft 4

Tuesday 15 January 2013 4:52

Onions are supposed to ward of spirits in some Japanese traditions

hoshimi2012 8

Wednesday 23 January 2013 1:27

Onions are supposed to help you from getting sick if you cut it open. I read an article about it. The onion traps bacteria that can cause you to become sick.

mollyjynxjax 28

Monday 3 June 2013 10:06

Actually, they do absorb bacteria very well. So it actually CAN help keep you from getting sick

FacelessKun 7

Friday 3 January 2014 2:20

Is your father also green and ogre-ish?

thatonebach 9

Saturday 21 June 2014 6:31

No but Jesus might

MzGremlin1002 0

Wednesday 15 April 2015 4:32

Stupid as it sounds onions can pull germs out and you won't get sick as much

mixedsubstances 13

Wednesday 3 June 2015 3:10

in theory vegetables could in some ways keep you from getting sick tho...

pheonixfire13 17

Friday 5 June 2015 8:09

He's half right onions keep u from getting sick but garlic keeps away spirits

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

Monday 8 June 2015 10:59

Shrek is love, Shrek is life.

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Gross Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management

The Top

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 191

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 136

You deserved it 4 976

The Top

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 220

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 419

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 563

You deserved it 3 499

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 338

You deserved it 18 649

Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 097

You deserved it 451

Today, I went for lunch at a Chinese restaurant near my home that I have never eaten at before. It was so good I went back tonight for more, and the restaurant has been boarded up. It is closed due to food contamination. Inspections happened today. I ate contaminated food for lunch today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 947

You deserved it 4 334