Miscellaneous: Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad...

By Username - 19/05/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 194

You deserved it 7 952

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Same thing different taste

Wasted

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 15:33 - United States

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 952

You deserved it 4 765

By Shamu - 27/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 011

You deserved it 7 088

By Betchsadface - 13/07/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 774

You deserved it 10 795

By furball - 15/06/2014 20:01 - Inchture

Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 265

You deserved it 9 318

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 11:49 - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 807

You deserved it 7 555

By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 13:59 - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 470

You deserved it 7 855

By Someone - 16/04/2014 00:20 - Canada - Windsor

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 051

You deserved it 5 824

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 23:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 042

You deserved it 6 792

Good boy

By Johndoe - 30/10/2021 20:00

Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 158

By StungAlot - 12/06/2019 06:18

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I writhed in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet, that I'm embarrassing him. He also mentioned that jellyfish were out today and that I should be careful. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 223

KatrinaKitten 16

Friday 20 May 2011 1:20

You should have yanked him in the water and drowned him; Show him Shamu!

ZombieeeeUnicorn 1

Friday 20 May 2011 1:19

I like cupcakes.

Comments

AcidicChaosLP 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:37

but fat girls are sexy.....

st3lios89 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:33

u shud prob take that as a compliment :p

ceepevoy 0

Friday 20 May 2011 9:37

ur dads a dick!

horneyhic 15

Friday 20 May 2011 10:19

ask him how bad a parent he would have to be to lose a whale

Felicci 0

Friday 20 May 2011 10:24

that's a hint saying u need to get in shape

xrudeboyrock 29

Friday 20 May 2011 11:21

Is it just me, or are we not using the word 'sarcastically' correctly here? Aaaanyway, if your dad was making a joke and you're just being a whiny bitch, ydi. If he was serious and often tries to undermine you, that sucks.

ijrnelson 0

Friday 20 May 2011 12:23

he's been rehearsing that one in his head for days. ...Lad.

Coconutscyclone 0

Friday 20 May 2011 14:32

that's not sarcasm...

cumverg 0

Friday 20 May 2011 15:34

Your dad is a legend

rburke42016 0

Friday 20 May 2011 16:33

I think I dated that chick..

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Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 817

You deserved it 4 306

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 245

You deserved it 4 765

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 8 522

You deserved it 921

Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 865

You deserved it 646

Today, I was showing my grandma how to use emojis on her new smartphone. After she sent a cute smiley face, she went on to send a string of random emojis, including the eggplant and the peach, to her church group chat. When she found out the meaning those emojis usually have, she tried to ground me, even though I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 93

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 764

You deserved it 96 098

Today, I made microwaveable popcorn. When the bag finished popping, I took it out and opened it and put my face in close to get a big whiff. It now feels like I have third degree burns inside my nose and behind my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 124

You deserved it 48 067

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 16 672

Same thing different taste

Wasted

Good boy

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