By foreverashamed - 04/11/2011 06:57 - Canada

Today, my father decided that since I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, he would buy me a book on how to talk to girls. The book was written by a 9 year-old kid. FML
I agree, your life sucks 33 653
You deserved it 6 830
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

SugarCrazy 14

Maybe you can learn something...

145 3
saIty 17

Step 1) Share your cookies Step 2) Share your juice Step 3) Watch out for cooties

120 2

Comments

SugarCrazy 14

Maybe you can learn something...

145 3
CraneTG 0

So in other words OP just got owned by a child... Awesome...

16 5
Justforlolz 14

Exactly, I don't see the problem here. OP's just butthurt that a 9-year-old can get some while he can't.

20 3
Buttsexpirate 9

Why didn't he just do the responsible thing and buy you a hooker? Or take you to a strip club?

34 6
i_amthe_walrus 0

Oh god. Justin Bieber strikes again.

27 6
SCREAM4meeee 0

It's obvious that the 9 year old is a player.

11 4
13FTW 9

I would ask advice from buttsexpirate. With a name like that he's gotta be good with girls!

13 1
mandypandypants 4

because hes not charlie sheen's dad

2 9
rofflewaffle 9

Perhaps you should get him a book on coping with having a gay son. :)

0 0
freezerburnt 3

Talking is hard o.o ...first world problems...

0 0
QuisMysterium 4

I've read the book. The kid actually knows what he's talking about.

2 0
stevenJB 25

ThE young have good some good insights....sometimes

33 4
aruam365 24

Well... lots of girls / women love little kids. You always see girls fawning over babies and little kids, so maybe they know something that could help!

11 1
MagicallyFat 12

Better than having Arabic parents that try to kill you every time they see you talking to a girl…

12 4
HomeAl0ne 20

I'm the author, and I'm working on a sequel that covers what to do once your balls have dropped.

1 3
ThreeSheetsGone 12

Dude, a nine year-old kid gets more ass than you do. I don't think I need to point out how sad that is.

76 13
ikickgingers 15

Like, me too... Totally. ??? Are we making a statement or asking a question? I am slightly confused... This happens quite often.

29 2
lissalove17 8

I think the saddest part is that a nine year old is getting any at all. What has happened to society to make that even a little bit ok?

19 1
ThreeSheetsGone 12

63- I totally agree with you, which makes OP's situation even worse, in my opinion. Pre-pubescents get laid more often than he does. I look for a dramatic rise in herpes and AIDS cases worldwide if this trend continues.

5 1
SystemofaBlink41 27

Dude where i live nine year olds have STDs

0 0
omgitsmeaja 3

you'd be surprised at how much kids know

40 4
ikickgingers 15

I thought this was going to say he was going to buy you a hooker. Slightly saddened by this.

92 3
MaskingTape 2

Depending on quality, which shouldn't matter for you since you have nothing for comparison, he could've spent the same on a hooker as he did your book.

8 1
Enslaved 36

I don't know, kicky. Do guys really want their first sexual experience to be a paid lady of the night? And after, he's still back to square one.

7 2
ikickgingers 15

I don't have a penis, not a real one. After 21 years though... I'd be like Jim jefferies... Put me in a cage with anything and I'd **** it.

10 0
perdix 29

No, Enslaved, I'm with Kicky on this one. A guy doesn't want his first time (or hundred) to be with a woman he loves. He'll just embarrass the both of them. Think of it from the hooker's point of view -- she doesn't mind if you are a bit fast to the finish line. In fact, hookers love preemies -- it makes their hourly rate go way up! The optimal situation is for a guy to have a lot of practice under his belt ;) before he whips it out in front of someone important.

8 1
leadman1989 15

56 - I love Jim Jeffries... I know this will be thumbed down but I had to say that.

3 2
dansco 24

Me too! Would've been better for the op lol

3 2
Sebastian_NG 17

56 oh god i love jim jeffries too, i believe he is funnier than chris rock! Probably gonms get thumbed down for that as well but you people should search for him on youtube

2 1
Sebastian_NG 17

Gonna* damn iphone too little keyboard for my fingers

1 1
quiet_Wyatt 0

Not really an FML....

0 5
csosa187 1

You don't need a book man, does a lion need a book to know that it needs to pounce on gazelle? No! It's written on its DNA, pounce on that f*cking gazelle. Now go out, and use your damn lion instincts!!!

71 7
marpay 11

So you want him to go out, stalk and attack some woman?

24 3
gunmania0 12

40 year old virgin quote ftw!

19 2
davexs 10

tackle drunk bitches, not to drunk tho clinicaly alive

5 1
perdix 29

That's great if you want to have sex with a gazelle.

21 0
AVainAttempt 0

^ It was funny til this d00d showed up. .-.

2 1
davymac718 4

Well considering you never had a girlfriend you should take all the help you can get.

24 2
saIty 17

Step 1) Share your cookies Step 2) Share your juice Step 3) Watch out for cooties

120 2
Daralea 21

If you like her, pull her hair to seal the deal.

47 3
HideouslyHuman 10

Eating glue is a no.Playdough is fine as long as it's in the shape of a real food.

11 3