Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because...

By Anonymous - 15/03/2012 11:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 178

You deserved it 3 727

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Same thing different taste

Backhanded

By wtf - 14/09/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 072

You deserved it 4 506

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 146

You deserved it 36 930

Common myth

By Anonymous - 01/04/2014 06:06 - United States - Eugene

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 816

You deserved it 7 966

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 807

You deserved it 5 456

Romance me please

By trembelwick - 03/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 794

You deserved it 6 072

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 688

You deserved it 60 146

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 331

You deserved it 4 851

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 179

You deserved it 8 978

By littlefinger - 11/03/2014 16:11 - United States - Foley

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 676

You deserved it 7 000

enriquepp 4

Thursday 15 March 2012 15:59

Well I guess instead of masturbating you can call it snake handling now.

daviddupree 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 15:55

That sucks dude

Comments

upyourzlolz 11

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:02

You need to find a REAL snake charmer!

jerjy1 5

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:02

BURN!!

nickharbut 6

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:02

Ouch. Fyl. Lol

xlespartanx 1

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:03

Haha quit her

sakforduc 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:04

Maybe she's afraid of your snakes poison.

raauul_4 5

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:05

Dump her!

feldco1 17

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:06

Imagine its the key word. Once she does, she'll very over it. If she is certain about this, time to move on.

kcircuses 1

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:58

what?

dorkasaurusROAR 7

Thursday 15 March 2012 20:22

I understood that fine.

zebralover23 14

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:07

That SuCkS

ohmandapants 16

Friday 16 March 2012 1:26

Oh ReAlLy? Why ArE yOu TyPiNg LiKe ThIs?

Thatoneginger 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:08

You could say "its more like a turtle, it hides when it senses danger! (her)"

flashback.miss 28

Thursday 15 March 2012 16:11

Crikey! The one-eyed trouser snake! but seriously, that's at least a semi-hilarious way to say she dosen't want to sleep with you...

l0v3p4in 7

Thursday 15 March 2012 17:15

Girl, what is that black stuff on your tongue?! You didn't get poisoned by OP's potent 'venom' and this is some necrotic side effect, is it?

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Haircut Miscellaneous Cute Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Frustration Capitalism Coworkers Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Technology Mental health

The Top

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 2 303

Today, I was just told by a hiring manager that the reasons I'm not getting interviews is because I have a spotty work history. My work history is spotty because my mother ignores my food allergies so she can get attention and, as a result, I'm chronically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 208

The Top

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 878

You deserved it 5 222

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 175

You deserved it 4 099

Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with my clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 412

You deserved it 5 609

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 433

You deserved it 747

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 836

You deserved it 4 373

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 613

You deserved it 58 899

Same thing different taste

Backhanded

Common myth

Romance me please

Unwarranted

Twins

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