Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with... - FML

By kneesarethenewdesk - 19/08/2009 22:38 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 331

You deserved it 7 694

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Same thing different taste

Seventh heaven

By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 470

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 961

You deserved it 25 334

By burb - 25/09/2013 19:23 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 030

You deserved it 3 904

By Crawling - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 051

You deserved it 10 261

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 13:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 114

You deserved it 14 010

By picaboo - 10/08/2009 16:41 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 085

You deserved it 68 409

By Anon - 05/12/2009 14:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 240

You deserved it 17 258

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 085

You deserved it 373

Haters Gonna Hate

By apparentlyweird - 28/08/2018 22:00

Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 035

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Spicy

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 478

You deserved it 6 678

Next

Top comments

marinja 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:27

apparenly your computer desk isn't the only thing that's 250 pounds...

xiambam 4

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:11

Eh, at least she had good intentions. : lol

Comments

Jim9349 10

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:24

thats not very expensive.. you deserved it for being cheap..

twohot2touch 7

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:37

what u should be thinking is "I basically paid £250 to not have sex. A prostitute would have been much much cheaper lol

gorbagil 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:42

Wait a minute, isnt this like the situation the girl should be fml'in about?

loveyabb 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:48

"Today I tried to get my boyfriend to have sex with me on his new desk. Too bad he didn't put it together right and it broke. Now my ass hurts and my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me. FML"

lizziemcguireee 0

Saturday 22 August 2009 1:52

Amen to this.

moss_fml 2

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:48

I am a Chinese,this's the first time I visit a foreign website,so... By the way,I don't know what "you deserve it" means too...

Gman08 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:51

how much does she wiegh? lol ydi get a skinnyer girlfriend

Cupcake10 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:59

Unless she wanted to have sex with her(fat)self how the hell did she expect the BOTH of you to do it on any surface less sturdy than a bed, or floor, or couch, or countertop, or car backseat or...dammit, where's my boyfriend.

Mr_Tuff_Guy 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 6:01

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY!!!!!!!!

gottalovepixar 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 6:11

FYL? More like F your girlfriend's life, how embarassing...

randomkid 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 6:36

you british and your silly name for money, pounds ha ha ha. : P oh and sorry about the computer

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Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 278

Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 171

The Top

Today, I walked past my fly strip while a fly who had been caught, but hadn't yet died, was on it. While I was there, I could hear his frantic buzzing and see his little arms flailing like mad as he tried in vain to escape. Great. Now I feel like shit for putting these things up. What kind of a monster am I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 381

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 254

You deserved it 75 815

Today, while grading my kindergarteners' spelling tests, one kid spelled all the words wrong, including his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 188

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 814

You deserved it 3 512

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 248

You deserved it 7 935

Today, my very financially stable grandparents bought my girlfriend and I two first class tickets on Air Emirates, which to me is a once in a lifetime opportunity. To my dismay, my colon did not approve of the peanuts and I spent the whole flight shitting out what seemed to be molten rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 223