Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work...

By Alex - 31/03/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 755

You deserved it 89 100

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Quickie

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 158

Phone-blocked

By unamyous - 08/06/2012 13:26 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 657

You deserved it 4 165

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 730

You deserved it 10 556

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 219

You deserved it 5 969

By Jamie - 10/03/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 906

You deserved it 3 997

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 978

You deserved it 2 961

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 782

By jailbirdlove - 11/10/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 792

You deserved it 4 300

Rubbing one out on the sly

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 540

You deserved it 2 450

By anonymous - 21/02/2011 05:01

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 988

You deserved it 14 929

Jimboom 11

Tuesday 31 March 2009 12:37

Dumbass. Should have had a wank beforehand. Or learn to slow down when you think your about to pop. Pull out, kiss her a little, maybe try some different positions. But if this performance is anything to go by then it's not your work that your girl is annoyed with. It's the lack of ******'s she is having from you.

mich23 10

Tuesday 31 March 2009 12:34

it might have been smarter to just be like, im going to turn my phone off so that i wont get any business calls, plus you plan could have backfired so much b/c she could have been like "go into work, i was just being selfish" and then you would have to leave

Comments

sleepless15_p 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 21:49

F her life. You are dumb.

Atashi_fml 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 21:49

Today, I had sexual intercourse with my boyfriend. He lasted only 3 minutes. Then, we had an argument because he claims that it had been 5. That argument was then interrupted by a call to his cell phone which was stuck in a crack by the bed. He has the worst ringtones ever. FML

fcuk_fml 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 22:06

hahahahahah oh my god. no comment. hahahahahah

tmforeignguy 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 22:20

5 minutes? That's feeble, even for pure sexual intercourse. And, honestly, what happened to foreplay?

katiekaite 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 22:46

#45 um is this your boyfriend ? Hahahahaha

rinaldy 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:17

ah- a noble effort gone wrong- sorry for u but i still think that is the funniest thing I've heard all day

amykillswitch 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:20

bhHhHahahah why 10 minutes? why not a more obscure number like 3 or 4.

nikkireese 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 0:08

i agree w #36. terrible plan, dude. just hang out with her more; i highly doubt she'd view ur fone ringing and ringing during sex as proof that ur not too occupied w work for ur relationship.