Love: Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes... - FML

By NinjaPanda88 - 01/08/2009 07:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 894

You deserved it 16 893

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 112

You deserved it 10 954

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 08:33 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 194

You deserved it 3 536

By Gonzales - 07/08/2015 19:47 - Belgium - Leuven

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 756

You deserved it 5 671

By off to the whorehouse, then - 31/03/2014 21:03 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Spicy

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 925

You deserved it 7 809

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 144

You deserved it 1 274

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 319

You deserved it 559

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 05:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 259

You deserved it 14 872

By spermbankonlegs - 16/03/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 629

You deserved it 4 869

Call me by my name

By Tim Scotten - 18/05/2021 06:01

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 245

By ADT - 09/02/2009 02:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 598

You deserved it 3 842

Next

Top comments

Tippssy 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 16:32

Pokedex Entry: Squirtle Type: Water Height: 6.5 inches Moveset: Harden, Pound, Withdraw, String Shot

Darkon 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 16:07

That is awesome!

Comments

Bloink 25

Thursday 24 July 2014 20:09

fantastic

beers0902 10

Saturday 18 October 2014 8:58

I named my husband's Tigger lol so don't feel bad

jDsaasy 2

Sunday 16 November 2014 15:00

Hahhahahaah!! You guys actually name penises xD this is insane!

lintyblanca 13

Wednesday 17 June 2015 0:34

it could have been magicarp lol ?

brandan020 10

Tuesday 18 August 2015 23:15

she's a keeper

vicnic 11

Wednesday 28 October 2015 11:56

I named my boyfriends penis the Hulk. because even when he gets angry, it still stays in his pants. Disappointed cuz i like angry sex

HylianTwilight 21

Wednesday 2 December 2015 21:46

I called my SO's penis 'Squishy'... because it's so squishy when soft. He finds it amusing. :3 Squirtle is adorable though. Hope she doesn't actually call it that during sex!

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The Top

Today, I called out "for personal reasons" from work because I had to study for a major test that's taking place tomorrow. An hour later, my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously." I then got an email telling me that the test was being postponed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 4 092

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome today's artist! Today is special, because the artist is maybe a he, maybe a she, maybe his name is Harry, maybe her name is Paula, the truth is that I don't know much about him or her. I think it's a ghost. At l...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

The Top

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 655

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 729

You deserved it 1 542

Today, it's been 3 months since I've been talking to a guy. He told me that he doesn't want the responsibility of being in a relationship. He likes me and would still like to have sex, but not ready right now for something serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 300

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 993

You deserved it 6 352

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 745

You deserved it 12 425

Today, it's my 25th birthday, I celebrated it by cooking my favourite meal for my parents and sister, while they watched TV and house-hunted for my sister. I have yet to hear a happy birthday, receive a card, a present or a phone call. Oh, and my parents are on a diet, so they complained my cooking wasn’t "on their plan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 183