Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to...

By Anonymous - 04/06/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 685

You deserved it 10 049

Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Remember now?

By Holymoly - 14/01/2009 21:10 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 673

You deserved it 39 762

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 394

You deserved it 3 436

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 433

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 00:55 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 377

You deserved it 6 206

By girlgirlinsanity - 25/07/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 564

You deserved it 5 783

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 292

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 995

You deserved it 108 958

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 049

You deserved it 4 497

Like a virgin

By chchboy - 22/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 162

You deserved it 7 122

Night terror

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 779

You deserved it 4 560

AndyBoy 0

Friday 5 June 2009 2:11

FYL indeed sir

ellephaba101 0

Sunday 11 July 2010 21:55

I don't get it...?

Comments

spidergirl040812 0

Friday 5 June 2009 4:43

wow good job dude you got the bomb stuff in your sleep lol n lmao at #4

Trooth 13

Friday 5 June 2009 4:45

it's better that way :)

_Skies 0

Friday 5 June 2009 4:50

Epic LOL @ 4 & 23

amykillswitch 0

Friday 5 June 2009 4:50

sucks to be you. =)

AlexZB 0

Friday 5 June 2009 4:52

hahahahahahaah #4

yungmoolahbaby 0

Friday 5 June 2009 4:53

you sure she isn't just ******* with you? sounds like something i would do to my boyfriend if i was a girl.

jSOPURE 3

Friday 5 June 2009 4:56

Lewl @ #26. Not like you don't have another chance to recreate it. :)

chasing_adalia 0

Friday 5 June 2009 5:00

Just because it was on Mad About You doesn't mean this doesn't happen in real life. The writers did have to get inspiration from something!

Dead_and_Gone 0

Friday 5 June 2009 5:08

LMAO #4 ya u guys got to read the other FML to get it if u havnt

hiandbaii 0

Friday 5 June 2009 5:09

Can someone explain to me why #4 is so funny??

Keywords

Food Toxic Family Miscellaneous Gross Love Health Valentine's Day Homeowners Home improvement Kids Awkward Drugs Babysitter Music Lonely Crush Wanker Intimacy Relatable Animals Cats Work Coworkers Transportation Airplanes Embarrassing Sleep Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 039

You deserved it 2 034

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 771

You deserved it 103 435

The Top

Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 877

You deserved it 636

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 258

You deserved it 6 581

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 220

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 544

You deserved it 8 560

Today, and in the past few weeks, my new girlfriend revealed she doesn’t think COVID is real, the vaccine is a government tracking chip, thinks Scientology makes sense, global warming is a ruse, poor people are poor because they’re lazy… Oh and she always votes Conservative. Boy, can I pick em. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 599

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with his therapist behind my back. If that wasn't bad enough on its own, I'd talked him into starting therapy six months ago to help with his mental health troubles, and have been mostly paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 388

You deserved it 231