Intimacy: Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on...

By countryblumpkin - 01/08/2013 18:06 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 086

You deserved it 7 166

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Same thing different taste

Romantic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 910

You deserved it 6 864

Romance

By shortyybrooke - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 715

You deserved it 534

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 7 831

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 18:28 - United States

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 496

You deserved it 7 372

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 456

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 525

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 20:01

Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 444

You deserved it 193

Sensitive

By airbiscuit - 21/01/2013 12:36 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 122

You deserved it 6 503

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 1 522

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 270

You deserved it 4 487

dalink 24

Friday 2 August 2013 1:42

So so so disgusting... And unhygienic.

Black_Rose97 9

Friday 2 August 2013 1:43

well isnt that a load of crap... anyone?

Comments

branditheferret 4

Friday 2 August 2013 1:59

I believe the actual term for this is a blumpkin...

BadKitty13 28

Friday 2 August 2013 2:12

EWE that's so wrong on so many levels. hope you said NO

The1CalledGOAT 11

Friday 2 August 2013 4:30

I always thought an ewe was a type of animal, unlike eww which is sorta like disgusting...

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Friday 2 August 2013 5:09

yeah, what do female sheep have to do with this? :p

Death69 24

Friday 2 August 2013 2:13

Hope you didn't fall for that shit?!

AngrySailor 17

Friday 2 August 2013 2:14

If he was had te nerve to pressure for a blumpkin, he should have gone all out and asked to have a cheeseburger and a beer in his hands while you did it...

AngrySailor 17

Friday 2 August 2013 2:15

Wow that first sentence was a disaster...

arroberts 10

Friday 2 August 2013 2:28

lol @ disrespectful husband

Zebediabolical 39

Friday 2 August 2013 2:34

Well? Did it work?

Esperaanza_hope 7

Friday 2 August 2013 2:38

Well, that's probably the nastiest thing I have heard today! Blumpkin for you, pumpkin?

TheDoctor14 5

Friday 2 August 2013 2:45

The technical term is a blumpkin, don't ask me how I know. It's a disgusting thing and I had no idea people actually received and gave those

Brando23 13

Friday 2 August 2013 2:47

Why would you do that? You have to wait after marriage to have sex. 48 hours ATLEAST after marriage before you can sex so you know the marriage is real

iluvpeanutbutter 22

Friday 2 August 2013 2:57

What are you even talking about?

illegalbeagle69 23

Friday 2 August 2013 3:23

You don't HAVE to wait until marriage to have sex. It's a choice made usually based upon someone's religious beliefs or lack thereof. And 48 hours? as soon as I'm married I'm getting it done as soon as possible because I do plan on waiting. Well this comment was a waste of my time, and is as irrelevant to the FML as Brando23's. Dumbass.