Intimacy: Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something....

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 6 011

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

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Same thing different taste

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 11 071

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 50 997

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 110

You deserved it 6 510

Emergency

By -____- - 05/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 359

You deserved it 7 441

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 331

You deserved it 6 185

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 382

You deserved it 5 246

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 776

You deserved it 5 613

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 142

You deserved it 4 215

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 193

You deserved it 4 506

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 909

You deserved it 1 626

TheSnakeDoctor20 17

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:27

That man is boss!

monkeysareyummy 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:28

New 'Americas Got Talent' contestant?

Comments

thisblowsaton 4

Saturday 17 December 2011 15:26

That's pretty damn funny! At least your life isn't lackluster with this man!

momo1972 3

Saturday 17 December 2011 15:45

Cool

JasonUSCG 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 15:53

Pencil Dick

imaninja1 9

Saturday 17 December 2011 15:53

I now wonder how many people are goin to try this after reading this fml

skinflint 6

Saturday 17 December 2011 21:48

172: I typed this on my wifes iPad.

BaconBoy75 2

Saturday 17 December 2011 15:59

Well, that really is *something*.

kookylocka 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 16:00

I guess he's called dibs on your phone. Ah well you'll just have to go out and buy a new phone

none_for_me 5

Saturday 17 December 2011 16:13

He is letting you know it seems there is nothing else to do with it.

sfv818danny 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 16:26

This Is what i get when, i try Wasdeqsa. Uytfghhvc. Iookjlhnglhij.

Okayitwasme 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 16:36

America's got talent! Go try out.

xAmyPOPx 4

Saturday 17 December 2011 16:41

.... This so ******* disgusting.

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The Top

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 467

You deserved it 13 416

"Fake". We do sure hear that word a lot nowadays. But what can you do, sometimes the situation you're trapped in is so unreal that you simply can't make it up. But don't worry, here on FML, these situations are the true heroes, so come along and brin...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

The Top

Today, one of my classmates put hand sanitizer on my seat. I took one look at my seat and said, “You honestly believe I’m going to fall for that?” I then got laughed at anyway, because I’m disliked enough for them to do that. That’s right, I get bullied for being bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 127

Today, I found out that in the past, my mother has paid or outright threatened my girlfriends into breaking up with me, because they were, "unsuitable trash not fit to be the mothers of my future grand babies." This explains why I’m 47 and have never married or had children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 609

You deserved it 163

Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked why. She replied: "It's easier to pop my pimples." FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 65

Today, I found out my girlfriend is talking to some guy from across the country. When I ask about it, she claims, "Oh he's just a friend, and won't talk to him anymore." Now she's doing it secretly and deleting messages. She has kids, and I care for them and her, but I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 174

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 231

You deserved it 2 637

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 369

You deserved it 6 517