Intimacy: Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something....

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 6 011

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Same thing different taste

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 51 000

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 114

You deserved it 6 511

Emergency

By -____- - 05/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 361

You deserved it 7 442

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 6 185

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 384

You deserved it 5 246

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 778

You deserved it 5 614

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 4 215

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 195

You deserved it 4 507

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 913

You deserved it 1 626

TheSnakeDoctor20 17

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:27

That man is boss!

monkeysareyummy 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:28

New 'Americas Got Talent' contestant?

Comments

The_Mooinator 4

Saturday 17 December 2011 18:11

HEY, that takes skill.

smydiwannafthata 5

Saturday 17 December 2011 18:20

He must have a penis as thick as a finger

imfreetogetwith 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 18:22

i do that but with my ipad its so much fun

mortuum 10

Saturday 17 December 2011 18:46

He's a keeper.

marissamay25 3

Saturday 17 December 2011 18:56

Haha that's funnier then hell.

structuredchaoz 4

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:00

Being married, you should be happy he is being so playful. Try to smile.

bubo_fml 10

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:08

Big deal, I would've been more impressed if he answered a call w/ his 'hands free' device!

bubo_fml 10

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:10

I dread to think what would happen if he was calling a 900 number & got too excited...

my3rdgenipodtouc 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:21

At least now u can SEXT with him.

kphippie 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:24

I'm sorry but this is hilarious

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 111

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 054

You deserved it 8 438

The Top

Today, I can't sleep. I don't know what's crazier, the fact that I have been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for about 5 hours, or that I have been asking my cat for advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 270

Today, my teen son's ADHD is so bad that he wandered off WITH my car key and WITHOUT his phone, so I had to get a lift to our family event. When we got back, he was sat watching TV and asked me where I’d been all day. It took everything I had not to scream in his face, "YOUR SISTER'S FUCKING WEDDING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 193

Today, it's Easter Sunday and from what I can hear, my neighbors invented a very special kind of Easter egg hunt. Maybe they hid them in the walls and furniture? Because getting at them sure seems to involve power tools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 140

Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 176

You deserved it 41 138

Today, due to the inability to preview academic fields, I'm stuck spending the rest of my life in anthropology. If I had gone into the arts, I would've had fun with my fake major, but the one I picked turned out to be worthless, not just socioeconomically, but intellectually as well. It's too late to change majors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 848

Today, thanks to my habit of peeing in the shower, I accidentally peed in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 1 300