Intimacy: Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!"... - FML

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:17

Spicy

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 286

You deserved it 6 454

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Same thing different taste

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 625

You deserved it 5 444

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 780

You deserved it 5 152

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 339

You deserved it 5 178

By anonymous - 19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 064

You deserved it 7 397

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 51 000

Big kid

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 14:20 - United States - Rhodes

Spicy

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 386

You deserved it 5 717

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 4 215

Grammy award winner

By blow away - 28/07/2014 04:36 - United States - Middletown

Spicy

Today, my husband played a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 361

You deserved it 4 573

No gods no masters

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 09:00 - United States - North Royalton

Spicy

Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 172

By Kate - 07/06/2011 07:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 660

You deserved it 44 199

Next

Top comments

jewban 3

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

jamonaaaaa!!!!! HEeHEe

SirSantpoort 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:20

Its your husband.. Who cares if he makes a joke like that.. As long as he doesnt do it all the time :)

Comments

mj4life 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:46

He wasn't a child molester! I'm a child and I think he was a great guy!

khaoticWankler 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 15:04

all those other little boys thought he was pretty cool too...until he scarred them for life

SassiestLemon 2

Friday 4 February 2011 3:10

^Lol

lilac41 3

Saturday 23 April 2011 1:53

Good for you!! I agree!

smushies_fml 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:50

Ahahahah. xD

xStiina 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:58

Sexy Hahah.

Alexxcunningham 0

Saturday 5 February 2011 10:56

you're sexy as **** hun. loll. just had to say that.

Anteezy 7

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:07

That's ignorant.

TheNewGuy03 28

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:11

favorited. hey, is it just me, or are fmls becoming more...funny? keep it coming, guys! |the kid|

lizzytishxo 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 19:40

trueeeeeee! lmao

allirein369 7

Monday 7 November 2011 4:49

I agree

bunnyboo2525 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:16

next time just ruin it by singing a small MJ song chorus. like "dirty dianna! noooo" or "(husband's name) are u okay? are u okay ________"

evildemonchild 18

Thursday 3 February 2011 14:03

LOL that made me laugh. this is epic pure win :3

bendirkss 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 15:11

lmao! before I saw you say dirty Diana I read the first sentence an a started singing it:P

mille1011 5

Tuesday 26 April 2011 11:52

i did too and smooth criminal :P

randomgurl__ 3

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:22

hahahahaha

alwa7sh 2

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:32

That is bad, I'm pretty sure that you are not alone in this. I mean he must have thought it was a thriller move from his part. Next time tell him to go beat it.

gleefan116 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 21:31

ahaha ^ win

Alexxcunningham 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:39

trolled

zarii 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:51

hows that an fml?

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 56

Today, I was at a guy's house that I’d been seeing for a while. After watching a movie, I confessed that after these past few times we’ve hung out, I’ve started to catch feelings. He looked at me and said, "I actually don’t think I want anything serious, but are you down to be friends with benefits?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 476

The Top

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 494

You deserved it 2 816

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 431

You deserved it 65 042

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 618

You deserved it 17 977

Today, it was my first day going to work with new hours where I'm in the office alone for an hour. I managed to lock myself out without my jacket, my phone, and my keys. It was raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 714

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 237

You deserved it 11 893

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 809

You deserved it 1 990