Intimacy: Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work.... - FML

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Spicy

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 6 028

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Same thing different taste

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 365

You deserved it 1 523

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Spicy

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 092

You deserved it 7 768

By Nav - 16/06/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I sent a sexy text to my husband while he waited for a flight home at the airport. This was his response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 770

By The Soul Of A Damned Queef - 31/01/2015 04:04 - United States - Dublin

Spicy

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 594

You deserved it 6 590

Access denied

By Anonymous - 26/09/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Spicy

Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 125

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 06:40 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 010

You deserved it 4 819

Romantic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Spicy

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 913

You deserved it 6 864

Shower sex time?

By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 694

You deserved it 40 244

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Spicy

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 182

You deserved it 1 491

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 917

You deserved it 1 627

Next

Top comments

Coop817 19

Saturday 19 January 2013 2:13

I think he's horny. I may be wrong though.

robo_thunder 13

Saturday 19 January 2013 2:12

He really has a way with words

Comments

emotac 2

Saturday 19 January 2013 7:00

Your husband is my hero

panda_lou 11

Saturday 19 January 2013 7:18

Oh this was from Canada. That's exactly something my guy would say, was a tad concerned. :)

need2sleep 15

Saturday 19 January 2013 7:18

Unless that is something you are used to hearing, I'd have been scared! I would've told him I wasn't home yet, start without me and hopped in the car!! LOL

yzzami 17

Saturday 19 January 2013 10:14

What a creep

chuckles1 3

Saturday 19 January 2013 10:32

True love, enough said lol

cartedor 18

Saturday 19 January 2013 11:49

Magic of predictive texting?

SillyGirl4602 23

Saturday 19 January 2013 12:01

I think he meant what he said.

DracoSpirita 21

Saturday 19 January 2013 15:26

And he said what he meant. ...I forget the next line.

whY402Jay 12

Saturday 19 January 2013 13:08

Ta all skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet. Ta all skeet, skeet God ****.

sonnyrosa 32

Saturday 19 January 2013 13:26

Such a romantic! The poetic prowess of your husband should be captured in books! Not really, but hey, at least he's thinking of you... I guess that's a bonus

MNBOY16 15

Saturday 19 January 2013 14:37

I like the way you think!

twiztedone 19

Saturday 19 January 2013 13:33

Wow he sucks at sexting!

MNBOY16 15

Saturday 19 January 2013 14:35

So how did it go with Casanova?

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 37 563

You deserved it 9 078

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I agree, your life sucks 22 388

You deserved it 6 594

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I agree, your life sucks 35 068

You deserved it 12 726

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I agree, your life sucks 20 123

You deserved it 44 001

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I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 266

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I agree, your life sucks 24 366

You deserved it 9 723