Kids: Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking...

By imarriedanaxemurderer - 18/06/2013 05:01 - United States - Joliet

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 551

You deserved it 4 627

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 06:15 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 003

You deserved it 2 127

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 965

You deserved it 6 739

It's never a mannequin

By I heart Kevin from JTL - 20/08/2024 12:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 133

You deserved it 1 621

By michelle - 15/11/2015 15:21 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 392

You deserved it 2 864

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 278

You deserved it 6 689

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 10 377

By Anonymous - 16/09/2010 04:12 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 333

You deserved it 4 517

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:38 - United States

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 730

You deserved it 6 242

Overheard musings

By thanks hun - 07/05/2020 20:00

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 276

cmayer 20

Tuesday 18 June 2013 11:51

Maybe he didn't forget the baby monitor and he was just messing with you.

Pleonasm 35

Tuesday 18 June 2013 11:42

Look for those slides with drops of blood.

Comments

Grand_Cookie 21

Tuesday 18 June 2013 11:59

Those noises in the basement totally wasn't the water heater acting up...

Dodge4x4Ram 46

Tuesday 18 June 2013 12:10

Dexter Morgan strikes again

svalaedgren 18

Tuesday 18 June 2013 12:27

Whether it's true or not, it must've been very uncomfortable to hear.

RockySnakes 10

Tuesday 18 June 2013 12:35

lol thats just ****** up

Druu 53

Tuesday 18 June 2013 12:38

"Wanna know a secret? Daddy and I are getting divorced."

sonicgreg 12

Tuesday 18 June 2013 13:54

Overkill as always on FML

Joe9024 20

Wednesday 19 June 2013 8:26

These are the people that post forever alone status' on Facebook...

Dave_Davington 33

Tuesday 18 June 2013 12:44

Check the air conditioner.

tj5810 21

Tuesday 18 June 2013 12:47

Wait for an opportune time and say something bizarre over the monitor when you know he's listening. Two can play that game.

hayfayday 15

Tuesday 18 June 2013 14:44

My vote is on saying "Wanna know a secret? That's not your daddy." You'll find out for sure because if its true you'll be next; if not, you'll get the divorce papers by next week. Kill two birds with one stone... Ooo, poor taste?