Kids: Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking...

By imarriedanaxemurderer - 18/06/2013 05:01 - United States - Joliet

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 545

You deserved it 4 626

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 06:15 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 002

You deserved it 2 127

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 958

You deserved it 6 734

It's never a mannequin

By I heart Kevin from JTL - 20/08/2024 12:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 131

You deserved it 1 620

By michelle - 15/11/2015 15:21 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 390

You deserved it 2 864

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 268

You deserved it 6 688

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 493

You deserved it 10 373

By Anonymous - 16/09/2010 04:12 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 327

You deserved it 4 516

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:38 - United States

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 727

You deserved it 6 241

Overheard musings

By thanks hun - 07/05/2020 20:00

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 259

cmayer 20

Tuesday 18 June 2013 11:51

Maybe he didn't forget the baby monitor and he was just messing with you.

Pleonasm 35

Tuesday 18 June 2013 11:42

Look for those slides with drops of blood.

Comments

Obey_StudBoii 23

Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:52

I hope to god he was joking. Even if he wasn't why would you tell a child that? Your husband is sick in the head.

luismig2 2

Tuesday 18 June 2013 20:24

maybe he is a CIA agent and you just dont know it.

buckdharma 36

Tuesday 18 June 2013 20:29

Your parrot has been trying to tell you.

timss4 19

Tuesday 18 June 2013 20:41

Or maybe he's an assassin :)

onorexveritas 23

Tuesday 18 June 2013 20:45

or he said that to freak you out

simsgirlgem 25

Tuesday 18 June 2013 21:29

May I suggest a taser incase he comes after you

Bl0ndi3 6

Tuesday 18 June 2013 22:50

That's scary. I would have went in there right away and took my baby. Joke or not. You're holding an innocent little child.

Bilover96 5

Tuesday 18 June 2013 23:02

Ask him about it but uh pack a bag just in case you need to run

Orchard 33

Tuesday 18 June 2013 23:17

Haha, if you're really concerned about it, I wouldn't ask, talk about tipping your hand. Run first, ask later. Or try to get your hands on some luminol and test it around the trunk of his car, things like that ;) But I definitely wouldn't ask about it, haven't you seen those movies where the person goes up to the killer and says "hey, I heard your confession, you were the murderer!" and then they get stabbed in the throat...O.O

Orchard 33

Tuesday 18 June 2013 23:11

Holy shit. I'll be keeping an eye out for your story in the news: "SERIAL KILLER FINALLY CAUGHT; LIVED DOUBLE LIFE WITH LOVING FAMILY CLUELESS TO HEINOUS CRIMES"