Intimacy: Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked...

By Sabraynay - 28/09/2011 06:47

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 3 300

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Same thing different taste

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 20:03

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 572

You deserved it 2 947

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 23:00

Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 314

You deserved it 102

By wildthing - 01/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 608

You deserved it 7 232

Nightmare mother

By scared shirtless - 18/03/2021 20:01

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 226

What did you do?

By Wtmcisdis - 10/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Douglasville

Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 394

By -_- - 05/07/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 583

You deserved it 5 226

By anonymous - 01/06/2009 07:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 218

You deserved it 5 298

By MATTY2512 - 13/07/2016 18:13 - Canada - Marshall

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 811

You deserved it 2 476

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 054

You deserved it 1 925

Nudi_fml 13

Wednesday 28 September 2011 16:36

Sounds reasonable

mnblkjpoi 0

Wednesday 28 September 2011 16:38

That seems legit.

Comments

strack94 6

Thursday 29 September 2011 5:51

Seriously?.jpg

SweetOnee 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 6:06

haha moms these days :P

structuredchaoz 4

Thursday 29 September 2011 6:17

This is an easy one. Instead of screaming grab his balls and squeeze until your fingers bleed. No man can chase you with ball pain.

YoshiXclusive 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 6:46

She's a boss

lucas18xx53 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 7:20

73- haha! 119- lmfao prolly the funniest thing I've read on fml

Ashlyn_nicole11 6

Thursday 29 September 2011 7:31

How do you survive when ones boobs are chopped off?

unicornunit 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 8:54

haha ur mom has a pretty broad.. and creepy imagination o_O

_moden_ 6

Thursday 29 September 2011 10:21

Now you know why you mom is blind and has no boobs.

badactor009 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 10:38

I would hate to ask how she interacts with a car salesman.

EireGoBragh 1

Thursday 29 September 2011 10:47

Your mum is a scary, scary person

Keywords

Gross Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Kids Scary Mental health Parents Creepy Miscellaneous Cold weather Embarrassing Dating Tinder Love Work Cute Transportation Cops Awkward Sports Crush Education Teachers AITA Public freakouts Mother in law Weddings

The Top

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 467

You deserved it 13 416

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

The Top

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 218

You deserved it 4 237

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 3 775

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 149

You deserved it 310

Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 466

You deserved it 6 350

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 116

You deserved it 58 879

Today, I was at work. I had a male patient expose himself to me. He then apologized and said he thought that's what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 112