Intimacy: Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked...

By Sabraynay - 28/09/2011 06:47

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 036

You deserved it 3 301

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Same thing different taste

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 20:03

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 574

You deserved it 2 947

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 23:00

Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 321

You deserved it 102

By wildthing - 01/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 612

You deserved it 7 233

Nightmare mother

By scared shirtless - 18/03/2021 20:01

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 226

What did you do?

By Wtmcisdis - 10/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Douglasville

Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 400

By -_- - 05/07/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 583

You deserved it 5 226

By anonymous - 01/06/2009 07:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 219

You deserved it 5 299

By MATTY2512 - 13/07/2016 18:13 - Canada - Marshall

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 814

You deserved it 2 477

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 057

You deserved it 1 927

Nudi_fml 13

Wednesday 28 September 2011 16:36

Sounds reasonable

mnblkjpoi 0

Wednesday 28 September 2011 16:38

That seems legit.

Comments

strack94 6

Thursday 29 September 2011 5:51

Seriously?.jpg

SweetOnee 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 6:06

haha moms these days :P

structuredchaoz 4

Thursday 29 September 2011 6:17

This is an easy one. Instead of screaming grab his balls and squeeze until your fingers bleed. No man can chase you with ball pain.

YoshiXclusive 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 6:46

She's a boss

lucas18xx53 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 7:20

73- haha! 119- lmfao prolly the funniest thing I've read on fml

Ashlyn_nicole11 6

Thursday 29 September 2011 7:31

How do you survive when ones boobs are chopped off?

unicornunit 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 8:54

haha ur mom has a pretty broad.. and creepy imagination o_O

_moden_ 6

Thursday 29 September 2011 10:21

Now you know why you mom is blind and has no boobs.

badactor009 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 10:38

I would hate to ask how she interacts with a car salesman.

EireGoBragh 1

Thursday 29 September 2011 10:47

Your mum is a scary, scary person

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Holidays Miscellaneous Family Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Scary Christmas Sex Awkward Weddings Singing Embarrassing My ex Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 3 943

Today, my husband filed for divorce. He also put himself “In a relationship” with my daughter on Facebook. She turned 18 a few days ago. He says it’s no big deal because, “at least I waited until she was legal.” The spineless idiot just doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 091

You deserved it 160

The Top

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 481

You deserved it 4 671

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 692

You deserved it 1 047

Today, my 20-year-old sister put ketchup on my back instead of sunscreen at the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 733

You deserved it 218

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 094

You deserved it 8 217

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 539

You deserved it 3 820

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 807

You deserved it 4 823