By Gurior - 16/04/2013 17:44 - Canada

Spicy
Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks 75 457
You deserved it 19 629

Gurior tells us more.

Gurior 4

This is brillant.

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Top comments

simplysarcastics 26

Respect her values dude, if you love her enough you will wait. And loosing her virginity is much different than her job.

948 24
fuzz97 23

well, you can't get pregnant from a cow's ass

834 12

Comments

Crazynopantsman 11

It's okay OP she's probably just afraid of your snake.

12 47
perdix 29

You just can't compete with a bull penis. You need to start dating a hamster/gerbil doctor -- you'll seem huge by comparison!

64 24
Kelishas 9

Your girlfriend just graduated from vet school and you're upset because she won't sleep with you? Way to be selfless and celebrate your girlfriend's accomplishment without making it about you.

194 9
FightMyLiger 19

Dear Penis, Sorry I had to remove you and bury you in the yard. It's just that I'm not allowed to be sexually frustrated anymore as it's been deemed inconsiderate and insensitive to have any feelings (no matter how private) that conflict with the pride I have for my GFs professional life. Maybe one day you'll get to meet her. Maybe. OP

10 25
SunAndMoon427 12

He can relieve sexual frustration without having sex...I'm pretty sure every guy does it quite often so he has no reason to be complaining. So your gf wants to wait, you should commend that not be complaining you aren't getting laid. It's sick.

18 4
s0m3guy2010 21

She may not be in the moo-d now, but you should take the bull by the horns here. You have a cow of a situation, but you should take things one step at a time. It may sound ridiculous, but I've herd that showing your calf used to be erotic hundreds of years ago. Although I wouldn't start there, you should definitely try to work with her so that you can head to greener pastures.

279 12
mbe0027 5

Yeah yeah yeah, milk those puns until the cows come home.

45 2
BellaBelle_fml 23

Well Op, I hope you learned something from these comments.

14 1
noncom 12

Good for her. People these days, all they think about is getting laid. I'm with the girlfriend on this one. Really virginity is something that should be saved until marriage. This is isn't an FML its a " I have nothing better to do in my life than think about getting laid and whine about how my girlfriend won't have sex with me." Stop whining.

1 0
SWC_Penguin 17

She's probably disturbed that you can compare sex to cow fisting. I'd be a little concerned over what you had planned if I were her.

134 1
SystemofaBlink41 27

That's what I was thinking... I mean, what does shoving your arm up a cow's ass have to do with the security of handling a penis? Or did I miss something in sex ed?

37 1
Zebediabolical 39

Technically they push their arm up the cows ******. Just sayin'.

6 34
shorty6823 28

So male cows have vaginas too? Learn basic biology.

8 23
simoncat 11

#43. Male cows? Do you mean bulls or perhaps steers? No cow is a male.

28 3
Ameel_fml 19

Actually, they stick their arm in the cow's anus so they can feel through the wall. When a farmer artificially impregnates a cow, they feel the same way for her ovaries. It wouldn't be a good idea to test for pregnancy by inserting an arm into the ****** because it might cause infection or even miscarriage.

18 0
xXNerrrdXx 16

Dude respect her values and be glad you have such a shy girlfriend ,beside there is a huge different between working as a vet and having sexual contact, especially since she is a virgin !

63 3
rivaraven 35

Respect her, don't rush her. I'm a man and I was afraid to have sex with my boyfriend for about half a year in the relationship at least... okay, it's different for men, somewhat, but patience is the key. She'll let you know when she's ready.

56 7
HorrorFan13 2

If she does that you may not want her to touch your penis.

3 24
BellaBelle_fml 23

You do know that vets wear shoulder length gloves made specifically for those types of procedures and that they take showers just like the rest of us, right?

19 0