Intimacy: Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 997

You deserved it 4 304

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 304

You deserved it 2 763

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 069

You deserved it 1 153

By StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 463

You deserved it 4 824

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 967

You deserved it 5 604

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 467

You deserved it 11 501

Dirty talk

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 234

You deserved it 2 208

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 731

You deserved it 5 665

By eeh - 07/05/2009 14:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 642

You deserved it 103 459

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Spicy

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 59 087

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 759

You deserved it 4 440

Next

Top comments

Xquisite1 28

Saturday 28 February 2015 8:25

Just tell him that "your" dick loves ******* "his" pussy. Problem solved.

Dodge4x4Ram 46

Saturday 28 February 2015 8:26

a brain fart over a real fart any day

Comments

vikky538 28

Saturday 28 February 2015 14:30

you can't blame him..when all the blood flows down for boner..brain does dart...

Silk_Routes 14

Saturday 28 February 2015 15:18

shit...did u checked him at once...lol

rockwrench 18

Saturday 28 February 2015 15:49

One thing you know for sure, he had pussy on his mind.

shredder217 16

Saturday 28 February 2015 16:10

I may try this with my girlfriend for the hell of it

ItsDutch 16

Saturday 28 February 2015 19:13

Well do you love ******* his pussy?

BenjaminKappheim 4

Saturday 28 February 2015 19:28

meh i wouldn't get turned off too much if i heard that

Person_Z 9

Saturday 28 February 2015 22:51

I'm laughing way harder at this than I should be xD

valdur444 2

Sunday 1 March 2015 0:50

"God, you love *******, my Pussy" Now it's just a weird nickname

bgon1350 4

Sunday 1 March 2015 2:43

he has secret desires that just came out

ihatedouchbags 17

Sunday 1 March 2015 3:43

I read this just so many times and I keep laughing harder each time! That's so funny! But with all seriousness, I would not worry about it, as you said, it was just a brain fart.

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Today, I couldn't say a single sentence without being interrupted or having the conversation hijacked into a monologue of past grievances by family members against people they have issues with. And they wonder why I hide in my room all the time… FML

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Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML

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You deserved it 418

Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

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Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 186

You deserved it 3 789

Today, I recently found out that I have a uterus and ovaries, even though I was born male. I told my doctor about my monthly pain, he did some blood tests and body scans, and then told me I have a uterus and ovaries but no vagina or birth canal. That explains my monthly pains since my teen years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

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Today, I invited all of my friends to my graduation party, and even paid for them all to be there. They all didn’t show. FML

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You deserved it 123