Intimacy: Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried...

By ohgodwhyyoufreaks - 01/04/2013 11:57 - United States - Moorhead

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 761

You deserved it 6 738

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Same thing different taste

Insult of the week

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 20:21 - United States - Slidell

Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 380

You deserved it 1 713

Memory loss

By UGH - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 281

You deserved it 81 095

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 702

You deserved it 3 516

By whatthewhat - 18/11/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 207

You deserved it 3 311

Are you lost?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, while I was working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sold dildos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 191

You deserved it 1 779

By rxcrs3 - 09/08/2012 06:44 - United States

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 033

You deserved it 2 484

Don't engage with the nutjobs

By MsBeaufont - 25/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, a customer came to make a return - a bag full of clothes without tags that weren’t from our store. I kindly told her she couldn’t return them. She had a full blown meltdown, pulled down her pants, urinated and defecated on the ground. Security escorted her out. My coworker and I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 131

Denied

By lolreturn - 16/08/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Walmart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 616

You deserved it 55 920

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 09:34 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 837

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 00:01

Today, I found out my younger sister is too cheap to buy her own sex toys, so she has been borrowing mine. I clean mine thoroughly after use but apparently she just puts them back in the box after she’s done, while they’re still wet. Not gonna lie, I threw up a little after she'd admitted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 223

You deserved it 211

Linkerdoodles 15

Monday 1 April 2013 18:52

Oh my god... how are some people this stupid? That's disgusting.

MrConcise 34

Monday 1 April 2013 18:55

Are you telling me there's no market for used sex toys? There's generally a fetish for everything - no matter how creepy.

Comments

clevercake 21

Monday 1 April 2013 18:56

Note to self: never eat while reading FML's.

perdix 29

Monday 1 April 2013 18:59

#11, you probably should have noted that after reading the placenta one earlier today.

clevercake 21

Monday 1 April 2013 19:40

I'm just going to give up any kind of food or drink anywhere near the internet

Obey_StudBoii 23

Monday 1 April 2013 20:34

Yeah I agree on that. I'm now in the bathroom puking.

Toasty283 8

Monday 1 April 2013 18:57

Dafuq did I just read?

fuzz97 23

Monday 1 April 2013 19:10

stop leaving comments like this please

TheManager 6

Monday 1 April 2013 19:58

An FML. Any more questions? I'm happy to help.

mattlw 25

Monday 1 April 2013 23:20

Sometimes you have to bring a level of creativity to an FML comment. You have to search for inspiration, and get out of your comfort zone. I.E. "Dafuq did I just read" is totally lame. Give it up

sacmaster 11

Monday 1 April 2013 18:58

Wow. What dicks.

perdix 29

Monday 1 April 2013 19:26

"All the other kids with the pumped-up dicks You better run, better run..."

Enslaved 36

Monday 1 April 2013 20:08

faster than your bullet :P

Cartera 10

Monday 1 April 2013 20:47

43 - *faster than my cum.

Enslaved 36

Monday 1 April 2013 21:00

That's funny but even the expression "Bite the Bullet" has a different meaning (to me). :P Don't get me started on "Pulled my Trigger". Hint-- it's not from "Bohemian Rhapsody"