Intimacy, Sex and Dreams: Totally? Really?

Totally? Really?

By honk honk, fuckwad - 06/11/2015 22:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 969

You deserved it 6 006

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 20:27 - United States - Wales

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 190

You deserved it 24 248

By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 557

You deserved it 5 533

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 11:23 - Sweden

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 066

You deserved it 6 654

By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 22:20 - United States - Barnhart

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 640

You deserved it 8 171

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 920

You deserved it 5 025

Dreaming of me

By forever alone - 30/08/2016 13:55 - Trinidad and Tobago - San Fernando

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 791

You deserved it 1 657

By Anonymous - 10/07/2012 10:03 - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 878

You deserved it 41 392

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 032

You deserved it 4 682

Hottttt

By whatthefuck - 27/12/2015 23:22 - United States - Providence

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 620

You deserved it 5 721

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 13:26 - United States - Manchester

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 342

You deserved it 4 029

jonomc 12

Saturday 7 November 2015 8:54

This whole FML leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

allforfun 23

Saturday 7 November 2015 8:50

At least you didn't wake up next to him

Comments

Fairyjoshy 13

Saturday 7 November 2015 21:30

I'm a gay male and I feel sorry for you.

ners79 9

Saturday 7 November 2015 21:30

How is it his fault? You're the one who apparently wants it

Severefear 7

Saturday 7 November 2015 22:07

At least he didn't do you?

LegitimateSalmon 12

Saturday 7 November 2015 22:21

Is oral on a chick really hat weird for a straight male to do?

murph_fml 21

Saturday 7 November 2015 22:24

I don't think that "totally straight" means what you think it does.

NYGiants1925 22

Saturday 7 November 2015 22:43

Are you sure you're straight?

wanderer_alone 8

Sunday 8 November 2015 0:22

Sue bieber for emotional distress and for therapy

desireesun 12

Sunday 8 November 2015 0:53

But Justin Bieber doesnt have a dick?

VeeFML 10

Sunday 8 November 2015 19:51

Why wouldn't he? He's male. These comments of insulting him by calling / insinuating he is a woman have got to stop.

baristalbc 18

Sunday 8 November 2015 0:57

No longer a perfect zero on the Kinsey scale?

vikky538 28

Sunday 8 November 2015 1:30

Its not a dream its the worst nightmare a man can ever have

Keywords

Food Toxic Family Miscellaneous Gross Love Health Valentine's Day Homeowners Home improvement Kids Awkward Drugs Babysitter Music Lonely Crush Wanker Intimacy Relatable Animals Cats Work Coworkers Transportation Airplanes Embarrassing Sleep Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, in an effort to save money, I dyed my hair at home. I used the wrong shade, or brand, or maybe I shouldn’t have bought a cheap one, but now I look like a mutant traffic cone. My boss asked if I was “expressing myself” or “just having a midlife crisis.” I can’t afford to fix it, so I’m stuck like this for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 418

Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 359

The Top

Today, my best friend's parents posted her wedding date on Facebook. My best friend got engaged a few months after I did. The only wedding plan I have come up with so far is a Fall 2022 wedding. My best friend is also planning a Fall 2022 wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 762

Today, I had terrible nightmares and woke up several times because of them, as well as my roommates having a pen and paper session downstairs. I had to get up at 6:30 a.m. and sit through a whole day of team training at work, barely staying awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 120

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 284

You deserved it 4 600

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 115

Today, some friends and I had a wine tasting evening, and I tried to impress my friends by showing off my extensive knowledge of different wines. I confidently described the subtle "notes of vanilla and oak" in a bottle of wine… only to find out that my "friends" had pranked me, and it was actually grape juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 920

Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 907

You deserved it 464

Totally? Really?

Same thing different taste

Dreaming of me

Hottttt

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