Animals, Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Ummmm… OK?

Ummmm… OK?

By Lionman - 05/04/2012 05:11 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 376

You deserved it 2 728

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Same thing different taste

By mc_dreamy - 21/08/2010 16:49 - United States

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 658

You deserved it 16 045

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 00:57 - Australia

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 945

You deserved it 2 638

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 332

You deserved it 4 851

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 06:00

Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 1 235

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 361

You deserved it 4 920

By grizzlybear - 27/06/2011 05:55 - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 193

You deserved it 6 997

What a dick

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 07:29 - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 709

You deserved it 5 175

By sunboy52 - 05/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 889

You deserved it 91 019

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 807

You deserved it 5 456

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 396

You deserved it 5 039

mduffy08 8

Thursday 5 April 2012 14:26

It really can't get any more awkward.

sillydumpling 0

Thursday 5 April 2012 14:31

Give him a lengthy description about the mating patterns between you and his daughter

Comments

CinnamonRugby 5

Thursday 5 April 2012 15:02

Why would he describe the barbed penis? They should look like that shouldn't they?

harrypotter955 19

Thursday 5 April 2012 15:12

I would say I Hate this FML but then I would be lion

Birdie_Sage 0

Thursday 5 April 2012 15:14

It'll only get worse, dump your girlfriend and run away.

skulskinator 5

Thursday 5 April 2012 15:29

Best 30 seconds of my life!

onealmxwilson 18

Thursday 5 April 2012 15:40

Win?

sougstad 7

Thursday 5 April 2012 15:42

That calls for a drink with the old man

babe7260 30

Thursday 5 April 2012 15:49

That's a pretty rare conversation ! You'd better hope he doesn't read FML lol

immaMonsta 8

Thursday 5 April 2012 16:13

Well, look on the bright side, at least it can't get any more awkward than that.

BunBunBabe 8

Thursday 5 April 2012 16:19

Who wouldn't be proud they can outlast a lion? :)

pinkWabbits 0

Thursday 5 April 2012 16:27

Like a boss.

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The Top

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 551

You deserved it 49 635

Today, my brother and sister-in-law come over ONLY to use up the resources at our house - like food, TV subscriptions, and other items. They claim to love my kids and come over for them. If only they would look up from their phone and spend actual time with the kids. Is there a way to block toxic relatives? FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 108

The Top

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 334

You deserved it 3 580

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 894

You deserved it 318

Whee!

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 77

Today, after years of being underpaid, I received my first paycheck at my new job. My new employer offers excellent benefits and a 401k. But after I invest in all these wonderful things, and after a $4 an hour pay increase, my net income is less than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 182

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 687

You deserved it 2 947

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 211

You deserved it 14 783