Health, Awkward, Wanker and Intimacy: Wanking to death

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 756

You deserved it 12 431

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Same thing different taste

Breathtaking

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 02:45 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 605

You deserved it 5 563

I'm coming !

By ally - 03/02/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 241

You deserved it 8 527

Anticlimax

By feminista - 28/07/2012 20:38 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 141

You deserved it 3 423

By JRLJLS - 15/04/2013 09:09 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 954

You deserved it 11 524

Weak

By Heavybreather - 13/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Athens

Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 872

You deserved it 1 130

Some people are into that sort of thing

By Anonymous - 14/07/2023 03:00 - France - Paris

Today, I was having rough sex when I breathed too heavily with a dry throat, and puked on the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 269

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 988

You deserved it 64 722

By pikachu_43 - 21/03/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 660

You deserved it 4 211

By Noname - 10/03/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 069

You deserved it 61 339

Sensual moment

By Ekh0es - 11/04/2021 15:30 - United States - Garfield

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub when she started to breathe heavily. I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck. She then turned around and said, "Tell my roommate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 2 507

NotMyDay5 13

Saturday 30 November 2013 5:30

At least someone Came... For help

mpsteve137 15

Saturday 30 November 2013 5:27

What a sight that must of been for whoever came to your rescue.

Comments

EmmaMK 35

Saturday 30 November 2013 12:55

For your own safety, get someone to assist you in the shower next time

SunTzu2 9

Saturday 30 November 2013 13:58

Ohhhh...please cum n help

JD1147 27

Saturday 30 November 2013 14:44

I think this FML's comments surely holds the record for the most lame puns about jacking off...

FrankHotpants 31

Saturday 30 November 2013 15:57

I'm thinking this ended like the scene in Grandmas Boy where the guys mom walks in on him jerking it.

Eahae3 12

Saturday 30 November 2013 18:15

Did you have a boner when they came in to help you ?:o

CrazyMelvin 14

Saturday 30 November 2013 18:32

It sounds like your little soldier had quite a workout!

MacOSXpert 7

Saturday 30 November 2013 19:13

YDI for wasting water!!!!!! Shameful!

mallu86 9

Saturday 30 November 2013 20:17

I think he did. He does sound exited even in this FML.

ptrep17 2

Saturday 30 November 2013 21:20

Pathetic if you ask me

martin8337 35

Saturday 30 November 2013 23:48

On the wrong side of town.

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The Top

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 487

You deserved it 9 169

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 263

You deserved it 7 133

The Top

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 930

You deserved it 7 482

Today, I was supposed to go on a date. I have been playing solitaire the whole night waiting for him. Out of 15 games, I've won one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 552

You deserved it 5 095

Today, my crush went on webcam on MSN. He looked really adorable, so I took about 6 screen shots and copied them into paint. I accidentally took a screenshot of my screen with all the pictures on paint and copied it into the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 016

You deserved it 44 879

Today, I finally had sex after 3 long years. It lasted less than a minute, followed by 2 hours of talking about anime.. I'm in my 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 466

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 187

You deserved it 71 253

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 286

You deserved it 59 672