Health: What's that?

What's that?

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 360

You deserved it 78 434

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Same thing different taste

What's up, doc?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2018 05:00

Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 054

You deserved it 2 008

Help!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 14:00

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 396

You deserved it 578

Bailed out

By Why's it so cold in here? - 01/02/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 829

You deserved it 2 980

By hickhick - 07/07/2019 04:00

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 1 731

By man-period? - 02/03/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 433

You deserved it 1 632

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 319

Get it off me!

By Katieeee - 04/11/2023 22:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 22 043

By anonymous - 03/01/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 878

You deserved it 5 060

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 457

breakthesky 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:19

...I'm not going to ask.

shortgurlsaywahh 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:19

wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?

Comments

ryalho 0

Monday 13 July 2009 0:06

Ah... That was my second guess >.> ...

nypd613 0

Monday 13 July 2009 0:08

how the HELL did you end up with it in a snapple bottle???! I mean come on man, and did you really have to tell her the truth about that? YDI

GothamKnight 0

Monday 13 July 2009 0:33

I don't even want to know how it got there.

plexico 3

Monday 13 July 2009 0:43

You did get a woman to look at your penis. That'll work.

redbluegreen 40

Monday 13 July 2009 1:03

"Real Fact" # 984 A man's penis inserted into one the delicious Snapple™ products, will create a vacuum affect, causing possible bruising, puncturing, difficult removal afterwards, humiliation, becoming infertile, death, and several awkward questions from any ER doctor or dermatologist. Get all the "Real Facts" at snapple.com