Cats, Painful, Scary and Animals: Worst enemy

Worst enemy

By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 181

You deserved it 8 222

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Same thing different taste

By ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 177

You deserved it 16 610

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 229

Never disrespect the cat

By Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 283

You deserved it 31 829

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 095

You deserved it 3 061

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 800

You deserved it 12 917

Stuck in the middle

By Mark - 20/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 697

You deserved it 568

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 501

By ouch - 26/03/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 218

You deserved it 5 457

By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 766

You deserved it 3 342

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 575

Funnybunny_fml 3

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:19

i really hope your a guy and that sucks i have a rabbit with really long nails and likes to bite.

paperfox_fml 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:30

#7, you're a twat. Cats have claws, if you don't like it then don't buy a ******* cat. You know, declawing is considered so cruel that it's illegal in the UK and several other European countries. If you genuinely believe it's a minor surgery that causes no suffering and is even remotely justifiable you may wish to do a spot of constructive googling on the matter. -.-

Comments

jet_fml 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:32

Same thing happened to me once. I was holding my uncle's cat, and he decided to make a loud noise to scare the cat. It was resting on my chest (I had a shirt on though), and it got scared, dug its claws into my chest, and then ran away... after ripping my flesh. I had huge gashes for a week. And I am a girl.

slicing 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:33

Well, now you can tell your girlfriend how you got a battle wound in your chest. Just don't mention it was your cat who did it.

genius_man16 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:38

I really hope you're a guy. That does suck tho, my cats freak out about the vacuum too, although i usually hold my cats so that they can't claw my body...

awkwardness 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:38

#23, what if she thinks you're lying and misunderstands...? @_@

Chocolate_Chunk 2

Thursday 24 June 2010 8:13

well, if she thinks he cheated, she could get in a catfight with the "secret lover"

Treehugger 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:41

I know exactly how you feel. I've got 2 cats. And when they get your claws into you while they're frightened over something...not the best experience in the world. FYL.

Kristoffer 35

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:44

The shirtless thing doesn't really matter, unless you have a habit of wearing chainmail shirts :P A normal cotton t-shirt wouldn't do a thing to stop a cat's claws, as #22 can attest to.

Rooney101 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:45

Thats one weird 6 legged cat. My cats usually have 8 legs

Sammeh_Higgins 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 13:25

6 legs = 30 claws ... How does your comment make any sense?

MxTori 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:48

Lmao, sux to be you

Keeten 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:48

When i was about 4 or 5 years old, i was holding my cat by my face when my mom turned on the vacuum. Now i have a scar a half an inch below my right eye. Any higher, i woulda been blind in one eye.

slicing 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:48

lmao I just got that #25, yeah, that would be a ****** up misinterpretation. As for #30, last time I heard, cats have 3 claws in each leg, and the position to hold the cat must have been the two front legs facing the OP's chest. Get your facts right before bashing people.