Intimacy: You wanker

You wanker

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 301

You deserved it 87 306

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Same thing different taste

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 665

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 344

You deserved it 94 589

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 206

You deserved it 37 101

TMI

By Grossedouttt - 04/07/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 499

You deserved it 3 733

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 616

You deserved it 11 277

Bad doggo!

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 670

You deserved it 12 416

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 137

You deserved it 559

Don't look!

By Garfield - 21/01/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 683

You deserved it 3 899

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 210

You deserved it 26 149

Freeze

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 20:00 - United States - Plano

Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 143

A_Guy 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 9:07

This just in: Locks were around since before the dark ages. OP should investigate further

mehungie2 3

Sunday 10 May 2009 9:10

That's kind of gross...you saw someone then bolted to your room? and 1 and 2, not everyone has locks on doors.

Comments

WickedAwsum 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:06

Lmao, that is the most hilarious thing I have ever read! Why didn't you lock the door?

Drew_bear7 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:11

That's sick. Can't you hold out for a little while? YDI.

Jaywin 3

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:20

OP needs to get laid big time. He sees someone beautiful and first instinct is to yank it? If every dude had this mentality the human race would've died out eons ago.

mndz_mkl 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:24

#9 & 20 rotflol

milkradio 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:29

That's disgusting. You couldn't wait? SERIOUSLY? Ugh.

Gringo_fml 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:30

#55, people still wank even after they get laid... Clearly you have never had sex *rolleyes* I wanna know what happens next anyway

fatass123 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:33

#55- WTF? "do it in the bathroom sink like a normal person" To be honest, I've never heard of anybody doing in that. Why the Sink? People use the sink, and it gets sticky after a while. Go for the toilet if you MUST. It flushes down like nothing happened. Flip on the fan and act like you are taking a shit. If you don't have locks on your doors, you better make sure nobody is home before you jerk off in your room. You are especially stupid, seeing that 12 people (plus a DOG) were there. You deserved that one, buddy.

the_walrus 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 14:34

my dog can open doors-once the bastard smelt brownies in my room and broke in. Stupid dog had no idea what hit it an hour later. That sucks-when/if you return to the party you should say to any bemused guests 'at least my mum didn't spot my girlfriend' thus regaining some credibility.