Intimacy: You wanker

You wanker

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 301

You deserved it 87 309

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Same thing different taste

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 360

You deserved it 665

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 345

You deserved it 94 591

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 207

You deserved it 37 101

TMI

By Grossedouttt - 04/07/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 499

You deserved it 3 733

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 616

You deserved it 11 277

Bad doggo!

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 671

You deserved it 12 417

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 138

You deserved it 559

Don't look!

By Garfield - 21/01/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 686

You deserved it 3 899

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 212

You deserved it 26 152

Freeze

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 20:00 - United States - Plano

Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 143

A_Guy 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 9:07

This just in: Locks were around since before the dark ages. OP should investigate further

mehungie2 3

Sunday 10 May 2009 9:10

That's kind of gross...you saw someone then bolted to your room? and 1 and 2, not everyone has locks on doors.

Comments

jcap113 4

Sunday 10 May 2009 15:54

way to go #13 ur so right. do u have absolutly no control at all?and even if ur room doesnt have a lock how about using the bathroom if u absolutly have to jack off. tht way u get a modicum of privacy because ur mum prolly wont want to show tht off and people tend to knock before entering a bathroom

Prisoner_24601 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:10

you whacked off because you saw an attractive woman? Self-control man!

anonymouse9 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:13

this has got to be fake, nobody is stupid, horny, and weird enough to be at a party, see someone then rush off to jerk it. If this is true, you ******* deserve.

jaybrown 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:15

This seems totally possible, why would it be fake? A lot of people know about FML, so I beleive 10 - I feel like a loser saying this but I have a cat and she can open doors lmao #55 - I feel so bad for whoever has ever been to your house and has gone to the bathroom that is the most stupid thing I've ever heard of. You do it in a Coffee Mug DUH!

Speedyblurr 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:20

how about you're a creep for fapping just because you happened to see one of your mom's hot friends?

BombayGin 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:24

Hang in there guy, maybe the beautiful guest liked what she saw and will shoot you an email!

log1k 3

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:26

wtf 55... a bathroom sink? It's called the ******* toilet! and OP - its called the ******* bathroom, that one that has a lock on it!

jaybrown 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:30

ha ha #96 so f u n n y . . .

XantesFire 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:34

I'm assuming your dog uses his mouth to turn the doorknob to open the door. I hope you atleast washed your hand after touching your doorknob and before wanking off. If you don't have a lock use your boots, sneakers or weights as door stops. Might not keep people totally from opening your door but it'll slow them down some. Otherwise, ********** all the time, that way your mom will learn to knock and probably inspire her to unteach the dog to open doors.