Intimacy: You wanker

You wanker

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 301

You deserved it 87 306

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Same thing different taste

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 665

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 344

You deserved it 94 589

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 206

You deserved it 37 101

TMI

By Grossedouttt - 04/07/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 499

You deserved it 3 733

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 616

You deserved it 11 277

Bad doggo!

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 670

You deserved it 12 416

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 137

You deserved it 559

Don't look!

By Garfield - 21/01/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 683

You deserved it 3 899

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 210

You deserved it 26 149

Freeze

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 20:00 - United States - Plano

Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 143

A_Guy 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 9:07

This just in: Locks were around since before the dark ages. OP should investigate further

mehungie2 3

Sunday 10 May 2009 9:10

That's kind of gross...you saw someone then bolted to your room? and 1 and 2, not everyone has locks on doors.

Comments

chocolaterabbit 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 17:42

has anyone considered that perhaps the guest was actually a friend of the mother? she could probably be this older woman who was still hot, but there was no way this guy was going to be able to talk to her. so all of you saying he should hit on the guest instead, i doubt that would've been possible.

MrBadLuck 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 17:52

Even if you can't lock the door, you can still block it. A bookbag in front of the door, a chair, something heavy. Bad luck is thinking you have the door locked when it isn't or getting a boner in front of the hot girl. Carelessness is masturbating during a party without locking the door.

panicatthekhk 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 18:10

you totally deserved that one...masturbation is for wimps

mylifeisfuckedd 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 18:16

Unless your dog can unlock doors too, YDI And if your door doesn't have a lock, go to the bathroom That's just gross

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 18:22

Okay, I hope SOMEONE has the common sense to realize that not every single door in a home has a lock. The guest room in my house doesn't have a lock. I know, it's shocking. But anyway, I'm not even sure how you could have avoided that. I guess you could have gotten under the bedsheets super fast and pretended like you were asleep. Although I guess, like mylifeisfuckedd (#130) said, you could have gone into the bathroom. I know that all bathrooms have a lock. Or at least most of them do. So you could have taken refuge there...

an_account 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 18:29

I think you should've restrained yourself until the party was over! (or do guys get turned on every time they see someone hot? that must be very inconvenient...)

Jellybones 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 18:31

Either get laid or get psychiatric help immediately. This is the creepiest thing I've ever heard.

Alice_Renee 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 18:33

1) EXTREMELY disgusting, man. Restrain yourself. 2) As far as that need goes, the bathroom is where to go. 3) Sooo embarrassing. I feel for you. 4) OMG your dog can open doors?! Cool! I'm gonna teach my beagle how to do that! Conclusion: YDI and FYL. I clicked both buttons because both apply to this situation.