Intimacy: You wanker

You wanker

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 301

You deserved it 87 306

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Same thing different taste

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 665

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 344

You deserved it 94 589

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 206

You deserved it 37 101

TMI

By Grossedouttt - 04/07/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 499

You deserved it 3 733

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 616

You deserved it 11 277

Bad doggo!

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 670

You deserved it 12 416

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 137

You deserved it 559

Don't look!

By Garfield - 21/01/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 683

You deserved it 3 899

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 210

You deserved it 26 149

Freeze

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 20:00 - United States - Plano

Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 143

A_Guy 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 9:07

This just in: Locks were around since before the dark ages. OP should investigate further

mehungie2 3

Sunday 10 May 2009 9:10

That's kind of gross...you saw someone then bolted to your room? and 1 and 2, not everyone has locks on doors.

Comments

RJB 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:47

omg wtf your dog can open doors, you probaly have nothing to show off and thus your dog cna open doors if your greatest asset my parents dont go into my room becasue they know bedrooms are off limits during parties. Besides poor people have nothing better to show off but the dog is probaly pretty ******* awesome though.

babawaba 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:50

Your dog is awesome

miss_mojo 2

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:57

.. you couldnt wait ..? you need to get laid more.

jaybirdka 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 16:59

You need therapy if you have to jerk your dick every time you see an attractive woman...

Rawrrr14 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 17:04

OH MY GOD! YOUR DOG CAN OPEN A DOOR?!?!?! SOOOO COOL!!! lol too bad they had to test that theory on your door.....

circayouandme 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 17:05

LMAO right now

fmah_life 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 17:06

Sure, she should have knocked, but when everyone was home and guests were over? C'mon!

ybstupid 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 17:07

You're one hell of a sick puppy, man. And to the guy who said about doing it in the sink, I hope I never drop the toothbrush. The dog is AWESOME! The dog wanted your babies, it knew what it was going for :-) Seriously, you see a hot girl and do yourself? WTF? Do her! Who said she's hot underneath anyway. You can't just empty yourself on a hot girl every time you see one. You need to get out more, maybe somewhere within 5 feet of a bathroom, just in case. Sicko. The guests really wanted to see that....Damn. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Rawrrr14 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 17:08

By the way, I agree with all of the people asking: if you must pleasure yourself after seeing an attractive woman??? I don't know.... that is a little.... creepy? Maybe you should try to work on your self control.... just saying.

rihannalover 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 17:11

i don't think YDI, if your door is closed maybe your mom shouldn't come in, or she should at least knock. it's even worse that she brought guests... sorry dude. but maybe getting something a little more than face before you do yourself? just a suggestion. and #2 :) haha!