Intimacy: Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we...

By scot - 02/09/2012 15:38 - United States - Granby

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 274

You deserved it 13 992

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Same thing different taste

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 549

You deserved it 49 422

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 918

In the mood

By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 806

You deserved it 18 371

By oh no - 22/06/2015 20:58 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 485

You deserved it 5 288

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 293

You deserved it 7 527

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 642

You deserved it 2 606

By Kay - 03/02/2011 05:33

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 814

You deserved it 3 167

Close quarters

By smellay - 14/04/2020 23:00

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 386

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 042

You deserved it 3 908

By June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 626

You deserved it 74 788

FMLKitten 15

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:54

That's such a turnoff.

tjsc831 0

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:56

Pretend to shit or lose your dick? Think u made a good choice

Comments

FMLKitten 15

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:54

That's such a turnoff.

lopsop 12

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:05

Well maybe op's girlfriend is into that type of stuff

Naomimi_fml 6

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:11

I agree with 1- I need a man with a properly functioning colon. gets me going.

gc327072 30

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:17

What's with all the posts about havin sex when family's around?! Is that what gets people goin these days???

FMLKitten 15

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:18

It's provocative... Where is Squeaky?!

305Miami 0

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:29

Why would you have sex in the house with her father around? I dont think that is ever Ok

sidewaysponytail 0

Sunday 2 September 2012 21:39

Sound like he's got himself in a shitty situation...........no? Ok:(

Marcella1016 31

Sunday 2 September 2012 21:43

Is no one else wondering whether they dropped things into the toilet to make little "plop" sounds for added effect?

aksweetheart 7

Sunday 2 September 2012 22:01

^OBVIOUSLY not. He is supposed to be constipated! Haha

IscoreOnU 19

Sunday 2 September 2012 22:01

Actually 26 it can create the thrill of getting caught. Which if you have ever been in the situation can be a hugeeee turn on

kyarush 10

Sunday 2 September 2012 22:20

His sexual experience has been... Backed up? Zing.

Inheritance 10

Sunday 2 September 2012 22:52

DocBastard could give us some intake on this situation. But YDI OP

FMLKitten 15

Monday 3 September 2012 0:39

I don't think anyone understood what I was getting at when I asked where squeaky was.... I'm referring to the FML were me, squeaky, and other FMLers had wrote the lyrics to "Niggas in Paris". As everyone who commented before me wrote something along the lines of "gets them people goin". Just wanted to clear that up.

FMLKitten 15

Monday 3 September 2012 6:34

91- I'm just going to assume some were confused as it was kind of random.... Oh well just forget it, I'm an idiot anywaysss

TehKritter 1

Monday 3 September 2012 8:51

26- it's not that it gets people going (but in todays society I wouldn't doubt it). But there are situations that warrant/deem/require/ask for/ beg to be used to get your groove thing on regardless of who is there. I bet YOUR parents did it too. Ba zing

hiitisbrooke 28

Wednesday 5 September 2012 5:46

79- It's not thumbed down because we don't get it. It's thumbed down because it's not funny.

barcobabe 0

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:54

Well that killed the mood

flamegrilled123 3

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:08

Unless she likes that kind of stuff

LegraMR 1

Sunday 2 September 2012 21:13

But this is the smartest solution I've heard of to not getting caught. It was stupid to do it with family around in the first place, but kudos for getting pulling it off without being banned from her house.

MrSnoopyJ 1

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:54

Well that must have been shitty.

FMLKitten 15

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:56

I don't even....

NashyzzleTheN 10

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:20

I've probably seen that pun 5 times today.

mfischer 17

Sunday 2 September 2012 21:31

29 - Why have you been in five situations that make that pun applicable in one day?

tressie_fml 6

Sunday 2 September 2012 21:43

You should win an award for originality.

NashyzzleTheN 10

Sunday 2 September 2012 22:22

55- ok maybe i was exaggerating...but I do see that pun way too much!

bRower 3

Monday 3 September 2012 7:29

Damn misread the comment. I automatically misread it as a 'shitty situation' post haha.

sarahlouise0506 10

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:55

Hopefully he left quite quickly after this!

onlychildFTW 33

Sunday 2 September 2012 20:27

People shouldn't have sex with parents in the house. Saves a lot of trouble.

bizarre_ftw 21

Sunday 2 September 2012 21:05

I completely misread that ^ the first time and nearly jumped at the mental picture it gave me Please please Please! Change the word "with" to "while there are"