Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge."...

By purged - 08/06/2013 23:43 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 067

You deserved it 8 647

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/02/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 792

You deserved it 7 817

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 628

Cancelled

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said, "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 375

You deserved it 8 820

By kel - 08/11/2013 23:50 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 959

You deserved it 7 475

Good to know

By DeadScared - 19/09/2011 00:23 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 016

You deserved it 3 567

By Abendigo77 - 14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 566

You deserved it 6 843

By Anonymous - 07/09/2016 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 459

You deserved it 2 118

Foreshadowing

By Confused - 31/07/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 268

By fmmmmlll - 12/06/2012 05:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 2 450

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 27/05/2024 08:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 93

Rawr6591 21

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:03

That's a red flag

angelofsaturn 23

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:05

I'd sleep with a machete from now on.

Comments

Rawr6591 21

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:03

That's a red flag

FYLorYDIohno 12

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:25

Some things are better left unsaid.

lp5252 4

Sunday 9 June 2013 11:36

looks like someone will be needing to get life insurance..

EMTchic 14

Sunday 9 June 2013 14:12

Yeaa, just make sure he's not her beneficiary... Don't need to give him anymore reasons to off her O.O

thisgirl97 7

Monday 10 June 2013 2:02

Time to find a new boyfriend...

4002489 1

Monday 10 June 2013 4:17

Obvious joke is obvious...

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:04

Glad the Purge isn't real...

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:44

Unless the boyfriend turns out to be a serial psycho purger.

Phoebe_Buffay 14

Sunday 9 June 2013 11:46

You..... You mean you haven't heard?

Falassalond 16

Sunday 9 June 2013 21:14

Heard what???

slickchrome 11

Sunday 9 June 2013 23:14

bird is the word!

nava1210 12

Monday 10 June 2013 1:22

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

angelofsaturn 23

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:05

I'd sleep with a machete from now on.

AbstraktThoughts 13

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:16

**** that! I'd be hiding in an underground bunker with millions of weapons to be used at my disposal!

saad2605 16

Sunday 9 June 2013 11:28

Don't know if that's such a great idea. Then he has easy access to a machete while you sleep. ;P

Zebediabolical 39

Sunday 9 June 2013 21:47

I think she means Machete. From the movie of the same name. The boyfriend wouldn't dare attack her in her sleep if it meant he might wake up!

SokDek 14

Monday 10 June 2013 7:35

I'd rather have that badass shotgun the dad used.

mikepzz 27

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:05

I'm sure he's just kidding, but maybe not :0

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:46

I'm sure you're right, but maybe not :0

xlord 27

Sunday 9 June 2013 11:46

I'm sure one of you is being sarcastic, but maybe not :O

LemonandLime 13

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:05

Young love... Maybe you should start talking to him about your zombie survival plans. Like, how its good to have someone with you who runs slower.

DJ_Lyons 15

Sunday 9 June 2013 13:04

Or someone to trip...

rapunzel3416 28

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:05

I would not be able to handle it if the purge was real. I'd die first.

MrSassypants 33

Sunday 9 June 2013 14:29

I would have a lot of televisions...

cd8919 12

Sunday 9 June 2013 23:54

Get your self a real man to keep you safe end of story

dinosxxrawr 22

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:06

but since it would be legal to kill. you should get to him first.

blue001 5

Monday 10 June 2013 6:32

it might be legal, but it's wrong to kill another

Autosaver 15

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:06

It's time to get away as far as you can.

Myo_fml 20

Sunday 9 June 2013 19:09

Agumon! =D

Nath1G 4

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:06

Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!

tannerr 6

Sunday 9 June 2013 10:06

Well, at least he is honest.

Keywords

Gifts Money Christmas Lonely Relatable Health Awkward Family Miscellaneous Social Media Technology Narcissistic parents Holidays Love Drunk Poopoo peepee Annoying Animals Dogs Work My ex Religion AITA Shopping Intimacy Am I overreacting? Break-ups Cheating Delivery Furniture

The Top

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said, "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 485

You deserved it 104 710

Today, I went a girl's home for our second date. As she opened the door, she was leaving with another guy. I said, "I thought we had a date this evening?" Her response was, “Tah tah!” as she walked out the door while hanging on to his arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 90

The Top

Today, it's -20°C outside. Half way through my thirty minutes walk to work, my boss pulled up beside me in her car, said "You look cold. I'll see you at work." And then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 487

You deserved it 3 240

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and me. It started with, "I love you", and ended with,"You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 134

You deserved it 2 840

Today, my neighbor tried to shoot my dog but missed and hit a rock. A shard of the bullet hit me in the leg and fractured my shin. Hello from the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 528

You deserved it 645

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 946

You deserved it 151 295

Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 91

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 470

You deserved it 2 340

Same thing different taste

Cancelled

Good to know

Foreshadowing

Bonkers

Top comments

Comments