Animals: Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee... - FML

By TheMichaelNixon - 14/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 800

You deserved it 75 524

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 135

You deserved it 47 944

By pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 708

You deserved it 14 969

Fire hose

By pissedoffandon - 06/05/2009 14:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 943

You deserved it 61 824

Pissed

By Anonymous - 13/01/2014 07:34 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 958

You deserved it 54 092

By stupidbug. - 09/04/2012 08:28 - Canada

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 977

You deserved it 37 013

AKA taking a screenshot

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 11:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 395

Oh dear…

By Wet Britches - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 037

You deserved it 1 732

By Anonypiss - 22/07/2015 16:21 - Canada - Pembroke

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 646

You deserved it 26 671

By pissfaced - 02/01/2010 13:41 - New Zealand

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 130

You deserved it 73 407

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 13 576

Next

Top comments

Tequilamockngbrd 7

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:42

I'm not sure what's more stupid: wanting to pee on a grasshopper, or expecting it to wait in one spot while you peed on it. Silly.

Luckster 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:49

That Grasshopper waited all day to do that to you! You know that, right?

Comments

Tequilamockngbrd 7

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:42

I'm not sure what's more stupid: wanting to pee on a grasshopper, or expecting it to wait in one spot while you peed on it. Silly.

DameGreyWulf 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:47

I think I must agree, but 1 has a point.... [edit] wtf, I replied to a comment down below about "If I was a guy, I'd do the same" Well, 1, you have a point.

omghehehe 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 4:05

Really! :D I replied to #1 and it's missing. Also, his/her response changed too :D Anyway, I agree with #1 :) Yes, silly.

your_mother 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 15:36

Karma's a bitch.

Edumacated 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 15:48

I take it you're not a guy =).

mwz777 0

Sunday 28 March 2010 3:03

haha ya but I wouldve done the same thing

dont_stop_believ 0

Friday 28 May 2010 7:34

if you didn't want ur pee on u y wud the grasshopper want ur pee?! haha loserr

Rejectofsociety9 0

Friday 11 June 2010 23:45

...and you didn't see this coming, OP?

xJC77x 0

Saturday 31 July 2010 9:37

I woulda done the same thing lol

bom_bom 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:45

omg...LOL...i added it to my favs...i almost peed myself after i read that.. kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk(second comment)

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

Monday 6 June 2011 3:50

if youre gonna pee, you better find a nice urimal with a grasshopper in it...

ilovemenn 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:46

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

swimdiva 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 4:23

isn't**

SykoOne 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:48

LMFAOOO !!! OMG YO , if i was a guy , i would TOTTALLLY do the exact SAME thing ! :)

Basiil 0

Friday 26 November 2010 12:09

Why can't girls do that? :/

KyRidHEART 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 4:48

Cuz we have this think called a ******.

MicMic_fml 7

Monday 25 July 2011 15:27

116 - is that thing edible?

Luckster 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:49

That Grasshopper waited all day to do that to you! You know that, right?

LeeIsAwesome 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:51

YDI for peeing on it.

iheartjustinsane 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 4:23

Exactly.

dabeachbum 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:58

if i was a guy id do the same thing hahaha

lenasaur 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:05

Thats what you get. How would you like it if someone peed on you?

mutantcow 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:17

you clever, clever person. (:

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

Monday 6 June 2011 3:52

kinky...

Honda288 2

Friday 2 March 2012 5:13

Ask Steve Stifler.

CheapoBilo 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:06

Ydi for not ******** on It instead.

juicy_extasy 25

Sunday 15 November 2009 16:01

LOL OMG! Weigh it down?! You're so evil!

cactusbutt 0

Tuesday 26 January 2010 17:04

oh, lol! x)

CrazyV 22

Thursday 17 November 2011 23:00

hahaha good one

DeadMansCrack 4

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:07

LOL I would say YDI, but it sounds like something I would do.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Christmas Cute Work Am I overreacting? Holidays Cats Shopping Gifts Awkward Health Friends Relatable Hair Poopoo peepee Money Education Animals Gross Neighbours Cops Sex Intimacy Smells Love Painful First Dates Social Media Music

The Top

Today, we needed a new TV after our old one died. My husband decided to splurge and ordered a 110 inch TV. It just got delivered and my husband now knows just how big 110 inches is. There is no wall in our house this thing will fit on, and the returns process is crazy complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 169

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 178

You deserved it 5 877

The Top

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 443

You deserved it 9 333

Today, after sex last night, I'd fallen asleep nude without bothering to put on underwear. What a mistake that was. My cat decided to wake me up by clawing and biting my naked morning wood like she was trying to rip the head off a mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 165

Today, I went to the store for a warranty claim on my prescription glasses due to little spots that had appeared on the lenses, covering both. It took 2 seconds for the employee to determine that it was hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 545

You deserved it 43 779

Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 568

You deserved it 1 469

Today, after complaining about the clocks still being an hour ahead from daylights savings, my work finally changed the time on all the clocks in the building. Now all the clocks are two hours ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 833

You deserved it 884

Today, I bumped into my old university roommate. He's now a young retired BlackBerry millionaire. I asked if he saw my resume back in the day. He did, and put it through the shredder. Making out with his girlfriend during senior year was apparently very expensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 7 027