The Top

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Misery loves company

By siighh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 722

You deserved it 3 328

Merry Christmas!

By John Nani - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's Christmas Day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 472

You deserved it 29 863

Tasty treat

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 011

You deserved it 10 789

Ouch

By hairyarms - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 550

You deserved it 5 791

Snow day confusion

By hehe - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 046

You deserved it 6 453

Breaking news

By ApparentlyEmo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 411

You deserved it 2 168

So, how've you been?

By Is that..? - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 391

You deserved it 4 948

Major romcom vibes

By staciedee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 584

You deserved it 5 024

Happy New Year to all the cats out there

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Year's with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 7 018

Thanks Mom

By snore - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 076

You deserved it 5 712

Or he's a drug mule?

By jlujan00 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 502

You deserved it 3 056

Kinda cruel

By Anon E. Mouse - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Waterville

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 415

You deserved it 2 296

What do you mean, lady?

By ihateoldmagazines - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for an appointment. After waiting for ages, I asked the receptionist what the delay was. Apparently, I had no standing appointment today. This is coming from the same receptionist who checked me in nearly two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 874

You deserved it 2 939

One a day, so they say

By jazzie7719 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 392

You deserved it 4 430

Skill issue

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 1 913

Classic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I after getting off the bus, I realized that the man I was talking to was distracting me so his "buddy" could steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 035

You deserved it 3 850

New year, new you

By Moving On - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 811

You deserved it 9 733

I want a dog

By Haze - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 810

You deserved it 2 316

My best friend

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss came back from a two week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone, but the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 595

You deserved it 5 244

The dipshit in 4B

By DookDaSpook - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 873

You deserved it 1 380

Cheers!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me that they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 013

You deserved it 7 527

Our soles

By Gregory - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 819

You deserved it 6 622

Probably for the best

By MissKaye - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I just found out that my sister will be bringing her boyfriend along to spend Christmas with my family. The two of them, along with my brother and his wife, make me the only single one in the family this year. Looks like I'll be spending Christmas Day with the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 151

You deserved it 1 047

MissKaye tells us more.

MissKaye 11

Sunday 25 December 2016 7:37

I didn't mean to sound like I'm sulking. Just naturally the couples will stay together and have conversations that I can't relate to. This usually leaves me with no social participation and makes for a pretty boring day. I love both my sister's boyfriend and sister-in-law and don't mean to say that I wish either were gone. Also, our family has a very sweet, loving, and sadly high-maintenance dog, so it's probably for the better that I'm there to make sure he gets his medicines throughout the day. I hope that clears up the FML a little! Happy holidays!

Sketchy move

By anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, I went to see a hockey game. The announcer asked if anybody found a ring in the stands, because a girl lost hers. While he talked about it, I realised that I forgot mine in my pocket, so I took MY ring and put it on my finger. A guy saw me and thought I stole the lost one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 314

You deserved it 2 296

Fight! Fight!

By LostInSunday - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 486

You deserved it 2 916

Festive spirit

By crappyeve - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having a Christmas Eve party and my sewer got backed up. Everyone had to go home and now I have to wait until Monday to get it fixed. It's a 15-minute drive to the local McDonald's to take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 098

You deserved it 1 027

Tis the season to be…

By HelloItsMee123 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had routine surgery and should have been discharged on the same day. Now due to an avoidable mistake the surgeon made I'll be staying in hospital over Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 842

You deserved it 497

Challenging

By firedlol - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally showed up 5 minutes late for my shift. My boss mercifully declared that I would not be fired if I called my mother and told her I love her. My mom died 11 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 486

You deserved it 316

Christmas Chaos

By shaggyberaddy - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 808

You deserved it 1 049

Have yourself a merry little Xmas

By XmasGrinch - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, on Christmas Eve, as I was getting my car loaded for the holiday rounds to the in-laws and parents, my car decided now was the time to break down. I recently put in over $1000 fixing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 593

You deserved it 655

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 561

You deserved it 4 164

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 931

You deserved it 6 772

The Top

Today, I was walking home when I heard a male voice behind me yelling, “Hey! Hello!” I walked faster and grabbed my pocket knife, turned around and pointed it at him. He just wanted to hand me back the keys I'd dropped. He then added something like, "Oh, and don’t get it twisted, you’re too fat to be kidnapped and raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 1 968

Today, after pointing out to my landlord that they have taken nearly $6k from me through illegal rent increases, I was evicted for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 1 170

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 626

You deserved it 158 135

Today, my date kept offering to drop me off back home because he thought I wasn't enjoying myself at the dance. I wasn't enjoying myself at the dance because he kept asking if I wanted to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 013

You deserved it 863

Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 752

You deserved it 3 557

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 158

You deserved it 3 041