The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By DontGive2Fox - 05/03/2019 04:00

Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 256

You deserved it 1 668

By Rachel Todd - 06/04/2017 14:29

Today, I worked for 9 hours, walking up and down stairs and surviving. I get off work, come home, pour a glass of wine, and manage to fall down a small staircase in my house, spilling the wine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 985

You deserved it 751

Rachel Todd tells us more.

Rachel Todd 9

Thursday 6 April 2017 11:22

Hey everyone! Let me explain a little bit more of what happened up to the fall. I work in Hollywood, and for a show I was working on, they wanted people running up and down stairs because something happened (can't go into detail due to privacy for the show). Working in Hollywood can create crazy long hours, 9 hours being a "short day". So it being a night shoot, and pretending to run for my life, and being freezing cold, I wanted a glass of wine at 4am when I got home. As my mom said "you really need to start getting injured on the clock.. " haha

By Congrats? - 27/10/2015 15:16 - United States - Charleston

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 1 861

By BatIntoHell - 28/07/2017 03:21 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I learned that there's a colony of bats living inside my walls. The devices to prevent them from reentering are angering those remaining inside, and now I can hear them scuttling and screeching in almost every wall and ceiling in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 615

You deserved it 495

Otterbot tells us more.

Otterbot 3

Friday 21 July 2017 18:45

OP here, didn't have an account so I made one to comment! The devices that were installed are like one-way doors, so the bats can leave but not get back in. This meant the ones still in the walls got distressed when the ones outside didn't return. They're classed as "wildlife" meaning they can't be exterminated, so this is one of the easiest, non-lethal solutions to getting them out. It's been about a week, and the wall-scuttling has calmed down as they filter out, but it was like living in a haunted house the first few nights. Plus, over the course of the week 7 bats got to the interior of the house through vents (yeesh.) We caught those safely and returned them outside, but waking up in the middle of the night to a bat in your bedroom is not an alarm I'd recommend.

By rubyroyal123 - 13/08/2017 21:45 - Netherlands

Today, I asked my boyfriend to meet me in the park to talk. Just when I wanted to break up, he knelt down on one knee and proposed. I had to reject him in front of a whole crowd of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 706

You deserved it 957

Double Impact

By Zoogangcapk - 01/01/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 10 185

Close shave

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend got heartburn. She started freaking out, convinced she was having a heart attack. Five hours and an ambulance later, we finally left the ER with a diagnosis of "too many hot dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 457

You deserved it 587

By Munch - 12/09/2017 04:00 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 307

You deserved it 902

By SiegFail - 23/11/2017 05:00

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 318

Science teacher

By Anonymous - 13/01/2020 18:00

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 744

You deserved it 252

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 130

You deserved it 1 154

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 03:14

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 370

You deserved it 1 337

By Donewiththis - 21/06/2016 05:35

Today, my cat was diagnosed with FIV, to which my in-laws said, "That's impossible!" Apparently, what is possible though is that aliens are stealing their pool water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 022

You deserved it 858

I like what you've done with the place

By Scammed - 05/06/2016 18:26 - Mexico - Mexicali

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 803

You deserved it 1 396

By anonymous - 10/12/2015 02:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I've become so accustomed to finding my sister drunk or otherwise passed out in the same spot in the living room that every time I go in there, I instinctively lift my feet higher as though to step over her, even when she's not there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 483

You deserved it 1 703

By notpreggo - 01/05/2017 12:00

Today, I was taking my 3-month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon". I've never had a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 002

You deserved it 701

Self-bodyshaming

By Anonymous - 01/10/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend walking down the street in my direction. I've put on a bunch of weight since we broke up, so I turned to look in the nearest shop window, hoping he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he did see me, looking straight at a KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 432

You deserved it 6 700

By meunluckycharms - 14/09/2015 19:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 1 849

By kookoocatlady - 01/11/2016 04:31

Today, I kept my cats indoors to be safe on Halloween, making sure to keep the food full and litter boxes clean. After dinner, I got dressed up and spent two hours at a party. When I got home, there was a large, rancid butt-loaf waiting on my bed. Unappreciative little fuckers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 868

You deserved it 1 619

The One Where Monica Sings

By Angie - 10/08/2017 21:45 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I woke up as usual, got dressed as usual, and went to work as usual. After a few hours, however, I found out that my shirt was completely see-through. Only 6 more hours to go in a predominantly male office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 965

You deserved it 1 069

By dannidoll93 - 22/08/2015 14:59 - United Kingdom - Padiham

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 5 600

dannidoll93 tells us more.

dannidoll93 24

Sunday 23 August 2015 16:52

OP here, clearing a few things up. This actually happened a couple of years ago before I moved out but thought it would make a fun FML. The girlfriend and I are both female. I had unpacked the rest of my bag (including my toothbrush) when I got home but was waiting until everyone had cleared out of my room to put the vibrator away. :) I just did my best to avoid his questions until he forgot! I'm enjoying all the comments :D

By Gas-pingForAir - 19/09/2016 08:59 - United States - Columbia

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 788

You deserved it 1 670