The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Dream proposal

By groomfail - 02/03/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I'm madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?" After seeing it, she locked herself in her room and cried for hours, exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I'd invited my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 139

You deserved it 11 751

Messy

By hopeless1 - 26/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 966

You deserved it 5 846

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 14:44 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 731

You deserved it 45 205

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 10:41 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 652

You deserved it 7 435

Screwing

By ThanksMom - 26/03/2009 18:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 587

You deserved it 9 207

Kids say the funniest things

By embarrassedmom - 18/05/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair whose leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?" He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 562

You deserved it 25 973

By trina - 22/03/2009 09:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 407

You deserved it 7 977

By tinytitty - 23/03/2009 03:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing, he replied, "Well I was looking for your boobs but… apparently you have none." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 389

You deserved it 9 259

By STUPID BIRTHDAY - 05/03/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and I'd arranged a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 160

You deserved it 6 937

By Cody - 07/03/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 079

You deserved it 21 183

By stolen - 11/04/2011 19:29 - United States

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 074

You deserved it 5 351

Oh no, oh God no

By hlev24 - 03/03/2009 16:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on my way home from a friend's house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know I was on my way. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 068

You deserved it 6 724

Mommy issues

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year-old daughter at my ex-husband's house, my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with Daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently, the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 867

You deserved it 9 342

By Recon - 17/03/2009 12:16 - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 739

You deserved it 8 421

By Lolrus - 28/03/2009 16:50 - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 191

You deserved it 5 766

By tehhotness - 27/03/2009 14:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 797

You deserved it 6 793

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 05:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 554

You deserved it 5 487

Strong bonds

By Anonymous - 02/05/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter asked, "What would happen to me if you and daddy died?" I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said, "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 481

You deserved it 10 020

By Betrayed - 31/07/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 231

You deserved it 4 016

By imalilangel05 - 10/02/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 182

You deserved it 5 792

By mrWrong - 25/03/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 966

You deserved it 12 116

By screewit - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 766

You deserved it 4 970

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 714

You deserved it 19 198

New creepypasta just dropped

By oh_mylanta - 02/03/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, I went to work to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so it was very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 567

You deserved it 5 372

Thanks mom

By mistake - 11/05/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 395

You deserved it 5 747

Take it down!

By steven - 28/06/2009 15:53 - Cayman Islands

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 342

You deserved it 7 302

By Mike - 21/02/2009 22:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 961

You deserved it 7 658

By Moisdone - 14/04/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I stumbled upon my boyfriend's Facebook. His second Facebook. On which I also stumbled upon his second girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 912

You deserved it 6 000

mdoodo12 tells us more.

mdoodo12 0

Wednesday 15 April 2009 14:50

As OP I'd like to say a few things: -yes, there were pictures. very. very. clear cut. disturbing pictures. as well as equally disturbing comments and wall posts. -creating a second Facebook account, people, is as easy as creating a separate email address and using that for registration of a new account. -i was not stalking. we all have random bored moments where we start plugging in random names to see if it will come up. his friend's name came up. one of her friends was my boyfriend. hence the click on his profile. hence....all the rest that followed. -bizarrely, i did find it amusing. way way deep down. way way after i was finished gagging at work when i found it. -and to all: deception only creates more problems. whether with other people or with yourself, you'll **** yourself over at the very least and barest minimum, psychologically. peace to all.

By clementine_k - 22/03/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 870

You deserved it 35 651

Bystander

By Chops - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking from my office to the place I had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner, I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. When I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 317

You deserved it 4 523

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Keywords

Awkward Lonely Love Party Cars ADHD Transportation Ironic Vacation Mental health Work Accident Miscellaneous Grandparents Annoying Covid Health Kids Shopping Cute Coworkers Dogs Animals Art Photography Videos Exhausted Sex Intimacy Money

The Top

Today, I asked my girlfriend of six months to be honest and tell me why she didn't give me a chance at first, two years ago when I first asked her out. I guess I shouldn't have asked, because her response was, "At first I wasn't digging you that hard, but the guys I liked didn't have your personality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 442

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly ran across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family who owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 358

You deserved it 5 959

The Top

Today, I was helping a customer when she asked if we were open on Christmas eve. I wasn't sure, so I asked my manager. My manager looked me over and said, "Yes, we will be open. Thank you for volunteering to come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 652

You deserved it 4 289

Today, my idiot stepdaughter wadded up my dead grandma’s quilt instead of folding it neatly after using it. When I asked how she would feel if I wadded up her dead mom’s blanket, she replied that she wouldn’t care, at all. She then had the audacity to ask me to explain what she did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 1 172

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 211

You deserved it 46 931

Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 189

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 698

You deserved it 3 927

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 356

You deserved it 2 881