All the FMLs

Flustered but respectful

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 23:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I met Tim Duncan out in public. I went up to him to confirm that it was him and he confirmed it. Instead of asking for a picture or autograph, I said, "Well, it was nice meeting you!" and walked backed to my car as he drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 329

Bad choice of material, dude

By screwed - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my on and off girlfriend as a joke that I stalked her two years ago. She didn't believe me. When I say she didn't believe me, I mean she didn't believe it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 2 356

Flop

By Flop era - 04/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I thought I'd impress my friends with a backflip into the pool. I ended up smacking my back on the edge of the diving board and belly-flopping into the water. Now I have a bruise and a story that everyone is intent on retelling. I'm just glad no one was filming me. I hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 476

Pleased to meet you

By Mano steel - 03/10/2024 22:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, I arrived for a job interview and I wanted to give a firm handshake to make a good impression, because apparently that's a thing. I squeezed the interviewer's hand so hard I heard a "crack" and they winced in pain. I'm never taking advice from a random LinkedIn post ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 634

FINNBY boss

By danny - 03/10/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent two hours building an IKEA bookshelf. When I was finished, I realized it was inside-out. There was no way to fix it without completely taking it apart again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 430

Hey good lookin'

By Creepster - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 642

You deserved it 51 501

Freudian design

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I hired a graphic artist to design a logo for my shop. I think the guy might be obsessed with sex, since his first design looked like a vagina up a tree, and when I asked him to redo it, the result looked like a pair of boobs. Either he’s in denial or he’s actively mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 81

Who's the moron now?

By Rob - 03/10/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, before I could realise what I was doing, I replied-all to an email chain about a huge company issue, saying, "FFS, this is ridiculous and moronic, and so is upper management." I’m still employed, but everyone now avoids me like I’m radioactive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 591

Mind reader

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 11:00

Today, my wife bitched me out 3 times in a row, for things that were not even my fault: for turning my Xbox on, even though I only nudged the button accidentally with my toe; opening a beer when it was actually a Pepsi for our son, and walking loudly when I "know she has a headache," which I didn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 128

Teaching moment

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 09:00 - Canada - Vernon

Today, I tried to show my little cousin how to ride a bike without training wheels. Not only did I crash into a bush, but the handlebars hit me in the nuts, and I ended up rolling around like a Labrador in shit in front of the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 354

Gassy day

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I ate two Fiber One bars for breakfast and now I can’t stop farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 393

Thanks, Rebecca

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 17:00 - United States - Columbia

Today, a client called my supervisor to complain that I wasn’t answering my phone. Then they called patients' advocate and submitted a second complaint. I was on my lunch break, but still got written up the moment I returned. No, I wasn’t late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 63

A bit lax

By shitty situation - 02/10/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I shit my pants. I don’t even remember trusting a fart. As in, it literally just fell out of my ass. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 97

Nice try, Sharon

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 269

You deserved it 5 503

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 16:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, after supporting my man during his year of unemployment and job searching, he came home from his first week at his new job. He brought me a little gift: The flu, courtesy of his new workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 110

Damien

By Janey - 02/10/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, it's been thirteen years since I divorced my husband for being too hard on our son. Since then, he's remarried and had two beautiful, well-behaved kids. My son, meanwhile, is a thieving hellion who doesn't care about anything but himself, and my ex wants nothing to do with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 994

Bad friend

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my friend. It wasn't until I got there that I realized I'd come on the wrong day. Her flight arrived yesterday, so that explains her radio silence for the past two days. I just thought she was in transit, but turns out she's pissed at me and wants me to pay for the Uber ride she had to take home from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 572

It's a doggy dog world

By Tom - 02/10/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - Zoetermeer

Today, it's been two years since I got a Dobermann as a gift for my husband. For two years he has cried non-stop, constantly played with his privates, reeked of dead corpse, and used shit to mark the entire yard. He cries all night long. I haven’t slept in two years. I think I have sleep deprivation. My husband says he must stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 487

Fun fun fun!

By manchild bf - 02/10/2024 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend was helping me with my medications. While I called the pharmacy, I looked over and saw him making the pill bottles fight each other, with sound effects and funny voices. He's 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 456

Creepypasta time

By Saw - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 006

You deserved it 2 717

Thanks for the memories

By How - 01/10/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 103

Bad omen

By three years wasted - 01/10/2024 13:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend sobbing so I went over to comfort her. She didn't want to talk about it, but was inconsolable. I called her best friend to help out, as maybe it's easier for her to talk to a woman instead. I found out from her friend that my partner's ex got his new girlfriend pregnant. That's why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 77

Turn around, Bright Eyes

By Alma - 01/10/2024 20:00 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I was at a karaoke bar. After a few drinks, I gave it a go. Halfway through “Total Eclipse of the Heart” I got so into it, I knocked over the mic stand. The mic flew off, hit the DJ, who then hit the emergency stop button, cutting off the music. I froze as the bar erupted into laughter. I did get a free Coke for my “performance,” which was something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 185

Freakshow

By iheartnjdevils - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 953

You deserved it 8 051

He who controls the spice controls the universe

By Anonymous - 01/10/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I was at a food truck festival and I spotted a taco truck and eagerly ordered a spicy taco. As I took my first bite, the spice hit me like a freight train and I began to choke. In an effort to save myself, I dropped the taco into the lap of the guy sitting next to me. He looked up, lap splattered in salsa, and asked if I was having a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 523

Sneakin'

By Beaaaaaa - 01/10/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I caught my husband talking to a girl on Instagram. He denied there being more than just “friendship” and gave me an ultimatum: to stop “policing” him or he throws me and our newborn out into the streets. He knows that I have no family or nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 145

Stingy git

By Anonymous - 01/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss found out that I have a second job in a similar industry and tried to fire me for disloyalty, industrialist espionage, theft of intellectual property, you name it. I need a second job because he pays peanuts, and it’s a specialised skill set so I got a similar job just for convenience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 117

Pink tax

By Mel - 01/10/2024 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I got my period early. While traveling. For a funeral. I had to walk through two entire airport terminals to find a shop that had any period products, and the only option was an $18 box of tampons. Six tampons, to be precise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 96

Judge Judy much?

By Why are they all like this? - 01/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I found some thigh high socks in my boyfriend's drawer. Furious, I confronted him. He confessed they were his and put them on to show me they fit. I had to dump him, it was just too weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 865

Panic!

By not amused - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Cork

Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 325

You deserved it 1 513

Keywords

Relatable Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Health Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Love Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games

The Top

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 124

You deserved it 40 855

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 111

The Top

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 208

You deserved it 2 474

Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 196

Today, I got a complaint that I'm not performing as usual at my work. That's when I realised it was because I now prioritise my sleep and life over staying awake late at night to learn from the offshore team. I used to work during the ungodly hours of 2am to 7am daily and was then a zombie for the whole day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 130

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 851

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 456

Today, my partner, our 5-month-old baby and I had to go to A&E because my idiot boyfriend mistook dishwasher Rinse Aid for cooking oil, and cooked a meal for us in it. As I'm breastfeeding, even our baby needed blood tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 448