All the FMLs

Going too fast

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 12:00

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married and have kids soon. She had a fit. Apparently it's creepy and freakish for a man to want a family, and it means I'm secretly a crazy religious fundamentalist. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 150

The Terminator

By jobekka - 15/11/2022 10:06

Today, I called my mother to hear how my dog was doing, because she had been taking care of her while I was moving. My mom told me she had put her down a couple of days ago, cause she was sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 711

You deserved it 213

jobekka tells us more.

jobekka 20

Tuesday 15 November 2022 6:53

follow up a few years later. i was so hurt the day I wrote this, and i still haven't forgiven my mom for this. I've tried to talk to her about it, but ive never even got an apology. She put my dog down, because she found a autoimmune condition that caused my dog not to have any blood left. and the vet knew my mom, plus on paper my mom owned her, even though she had been living with me since I moved out 7 years earlier. it wasn't the wrong decision, i just wish I knew so I could say goodbye to the pet i loved above everything in my life.

This is fine

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00

Today, it's been over 3 months since I've had a day off. I suppose that's what happens when you run someone else's business, run your own business, and have a child. I make $410 a week. Rent is $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 195

At least someone's happy…

By reckless182 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to tell my 10 year-old son that his father and I are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 672

You deserved it 13 565

It's raining cats and dogs

By Help me - 15/11/2022 06:00

Today, I'm gonna have to make the very difficult decision to ask my roommate to get rid of his dogs. They're not only the most disobedient little shits I've ever known, but they're also terrifying my cats. My oldest cat, who has always been pretty chill, quiet, and independent, is now vocal, clingy and nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 294

Ah, teenage love…

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 19:00 - United States - Mineral

Today, I was sitting behind a cute girl in class. She said she liked musicals, so I played The Greatest Showman at full blast on my headphones. She turned around and moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 1 510

The Sopranos

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 16:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had been practicing for a solo in a choir I’m in. I finally got it down and was all ready to audition. On audition night, the choir director let me try out, then decided all the sopranos should sing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 123

Numb to the pain

By sorenips - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 3 974

Broken

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 18:00

Today, I found myself in the unenviable position of buying tampons, chocolate, ice cream, and condoms for a woman I’m in love with, but am not dating. She asked me to get them since I was going to the shops anyway. I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 1 407

Mask off

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 16:00

Today, we went to couples' counselling. After a while the therapist said to me, “Madam, since we've started, your husband has managed two full sentences without you interrupting him, and most of what you said was, frankly, childish whining.” I'm starting to realise I might be the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 3 183

Garage rock

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 14:00

Today, I encouraged my husband to form a band with some of his other middle-aged friends, I just had no idea they would name their band The Wet Farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 376

Do not feed the animals

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 06:00 - Australia

Today, after months of trying to get my Pomeranian to lose weight (the vet said she needed to lose 2kg), she was finally getting close to the goal. My cleaner came while I was at work. When I got home, I weighed my dog again, and she had put on 0.5kg, due to the cleaner not following the instructions not to feed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 179

How can I make this about me?

By I told you so - 14/11/2022 10:00

Today, after several months of warning my sister to stop drinking so many energy drinks, she is now in the hospital with potentially life-threatening heart problems. Now I have the worry that my sister will meet an early grave to add to my list of things that give me anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 184

Sorry!

By slingshot - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 919

You deserved it 28 178

Sounds like CPTSD as well…

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 06:00

Today, I asked my father if it was okay for me to take an ADHD test. He spent about 30 minutes yelling at as to why that is a dumb idea. I have asked multiple people who know me better than anyone else and they believe that I might have ADHD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 149

Friendly fire

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 04:00

Today, I tried to walk past chuds fighting in the street so I could catch my bus, except that when the police were rounding everyone up, I was mistakenly collared as well. To make it worse, some of the chuds claimed I threw the first punch. I just wanted to catch my bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 121

Specsavers

By Blind Idiot - 13/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I thought the black pillow on my chair was a dog. I do have dogs, but not a black one, so I panicked until I realized the "dog" wasn't moving. Then it clicked. I guess my brain decided I needed another reminder as to why I wear glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 292

Historical accuracy

By laststand11 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lexington

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 184

You deserved it 3 474

Covid is so 2019

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 03:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I’m sick with COVID and got so exhausted from changing my rank, sweaty bed sheets, that I had to lie down. I then had a sudden coughing fit that made me shit my pants, right through to the freshly-changed bed, and I then burst into tears about it. I’m 34 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 169

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 16:00

Today, my boss yelled at me for not being able to fix his computer. I’m not in IT, I wasn’t hired to have anything to do with IT, but he assumes that because I’m the youngest woman in the building and look like a nerd that I’m automatically a computer expert. I don’t even own my own computer at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 127

Running a company into the ground? Huh!

By DeniseK - 13/11/2022 12:00

Today, I found out my boss was quiet-firing me on purpose. Apparently, his daughter who works at this same company is pregnant now and needs a promotion. I have a Master’s and have been here for 9 years. She dropped out of college because it was “too hard” and the other day she put a metal spoon in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 91

Not anyone's favorite

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 10:00

Today, everyone at school told me to wish my brother a happy birthday. We're twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 103

I don't belong here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 980

You deserved it 8 898

How bad can it be?

By SEND HELP - 12/11/2022 23:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that I, an introvert who prefers to be in the comfort of my own home, now prefer to stay out of the house as much as possible, because the obnoxious behavioral issues of my disobedient pets are making my life miserable. Is this how you become a workaholic? FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 1 043

LOL

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 02:00

Today, I was told that my laugh sounds like Krusty the Clown. It really does. Now I can't unhear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 151

Borat voice

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 00:00

Today, my wife keeps bitching at me that she hasn’t lost any weight on her liquid diet, even though I’ve told her dozens of times that sticking all her normal large portion meals in a blender isn’t exactly a proper liquid diet, it’s just a very unhealthy soup with lumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 109

Turbulence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Hope

Today, I am sitting next to a guy who very clearly has lice crawling on his head. It's a six hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 002

You deserved it 3 158

Hairy situation

By Bleh - 12/11/2022 18:00

Today, I woke up with a mouthful of cat hair. I don't have any recollection of how this could've happened. My most plausible idea is that my cat shoved his face in my mouth while I was asleep. But how did I not wake up from that? Maybe when I'm done pulling all the hairs out of my mouth, I can think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 186

Pinned

By STRIKE! - 12/11/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to drop a bowling ball on your foot. Spoiler: It doesn't feel good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 129

Cats 4 life

By Doggone it - 12/11/2022 12:00

Today, I've been living with my new roommate's dogs for three days now. In an ironic twist, the small one is very well-behaved, while the two big ones are disobedient little shits. Every day, I get a thousand more reminders as to why I'm a cat person. I can't do this anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 169

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Holidays Miscellaneous Family Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Scary Christmas Sex Awkward Weddings Singing Embarrassing My ex Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Kids

The Top

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 512

You deserved it 84 246

Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 739

You deserved it 280

The Top

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 005

You deserved it 14 129

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 29

Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 192

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 718

You deserved it 3 214

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 103

You deserved it 2 815

Today, I was working the dart game at my local amusement park when a couple paid to play. They were highly intoxicated, and they thought the object of the game was to hit me with the darts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 140

You deserved it 2 463