All the FMLs

I'm not kidding

By ouchies - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, because she thought I was prank calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 3 697

Clout demon

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 11:00 - United States - Winnebago

Today, my uncle is posting on Facebook for clout about how his mom died of COVID. She actually died of sepsis from severe Alzheimer's. He was at the hospice meeting, and his wife and daughter held her hand when she passed. She also died two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 93

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 16:00

Today, I had a phone call from a company I was applying to. It was going really well, until the call ended. Now since I'm so used to calling my girlfriend, I ended the call with, "Love you, bye." And if things couldn't get any worse, I started swearing to myself. The recruitment officer heard me. I forgot to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 867

Get a load of this guy

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 14:00

Today my dad asked if he could walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I was just too speechless to respond. He asked me on my doorstep, at 2 a.m., which was also our first ever meeting since he abandoned my mom when she was 5 months pregnant with me, and just disappeared for 28 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 93

Fight club

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 12:00

Today, I was out with my girlfriend when my ex-father-in-law, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, saw us. I don’t know what he was doing out by himself, but he still thinks I’m married to his daughter, so when he saw us he thought I was cheating and knocked my tooth out with his walking stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 88

Insane parents

By mermyth - 28/10/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, my mom came to my room to tell me that there were guests coming over. Five minutes later, she came to my room to scream at me for not doing the dishes, “like she just told me.” When? FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 130

Detailed

By tango-c - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Parker

Today, I sent a cover letter in which I bragged about my exceptional attention to detail. After it was sent, I noticed the company name and address were from a different job application. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 177

You deserved it 19 304

Fork in the road

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 23:00 - United States - Blanchard

Today, one of my best friends, someone I considered family, and whose kid I see as my nephew, picked a piece of shit dude she’s been seeing for 3 months over me. And no, I didn’t make her choose. He decided to be an ass to me and when I wasn’t OK with it, she just let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 185

All the same to me

By Gomeck33 - 28/10/2022 02:00

Today, my mother-in-law insisted my wife and I name our unborn son “Aladdin” She thinks the name is perfect and will “match well because it’s an Arabian name” and “Aren’t you Arabian?” I’m Egyptian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 125

Tooth hurty

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 00:00 - Germany

Today, I asked my dentist for a sick note so I could get my lost filling put back in ASAP. According to her, being in pain 24/7 is not a medical condition that would justify immediate treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 102

Poor choices were made

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 22:00

Today, I'm so lonely that I actually convinced myself it was by choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 183

We met a lot later!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Warsaw

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 388

You deserved it 53 042

Hole in the head

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 16:00

Today, I had to get a nail removed from my head after a nail gun incident. The nail was actually touching my brain but didn’t cause damage. Of course being a builder with typical builder mates, the joke now is that I’m so brainless even getting shot in the head doesn’t make a difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 172

Alexa, play "Some Things Last a Long Time" by Daniel Johnston

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 12:00

Today, it's been one week since I found out that my ex got married. Since then, every night I dream about her breaking up with me again. Apparently, time doesn't heal all wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 169

Rick Astley did nothing wrong

By Rolling with Rick - 27/10/2022 10:00

Today, I was getting my hair dyed in a salon and suddenly 'Never Gonna Give You Up' started playing in the background. Rickrolling isn't common where I live, so I just took some heavy psychic damage while everyone remained blissfully unaware. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 793

Nepotism

By emmalou - 27/10/2022 06:00

Today, I was let go from my job that I have been at for 6 months, all because someone from the past wants to come back, and the current office manager will be going on maternity leave. I'm just collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 112

Deserved it for the puns

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 02:00

Today, if anyone was wondering how my day was going, I woke myself up by kicking the wall. HARD. Pretty sure I broke my big toe. 10/10, TOE-tally TOE-rrific. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 239

Mind your own beeswax

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 18:00 - Australia

Today, a stranger at a bird show yelled at me for owning an "unnatural and irresponsibly bred" hybrid lorikeet. He's a rescue who was horribly abused in his last home. Fuck me for giving a shit about animals even if they're not pure I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 111

Conjunctivitis

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 22:00

Today, after my naked husband farted in my face because he’s an immature man child who refuses to act his age, this morning I woke up with raging pink eye. I’m half blind and I’m supposed to be taking my driving test this afternoon. I can’t see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 241

Fridge fight

By kb. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 2 516

It is the way

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 18:00

Today, after I broke up yet another fight between my sons, I demanded to know why they hate each other and fight all the time. After some blank looks they said, almost in unison, “It is the way” and wouldn’t explain what they meant. Even the internet isn’t being helpful here. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 203

Lonesome today

By The unfavorite - 26/10/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, I've noticed a pattern with my classmates: Every time a new student shows up, they are treated by my classmates as though they've known each other for years. Everyone except me. When I first came along, I was more or less a wallflower. No one wanted anything to do with me. The same is true today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 162

RIP Robbie Coltrane

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 05:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I learned that my dog died of sepsis. Fuck you, sepsis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 101

Kids having kids

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 10:00

Today, I started my 17th birthday by having to clean my son’s extremely poopy diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 2 128

Technically Spanish

By LeChameauTrisomique - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France - Saint-germain-de-la-grange

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I started to panic. My teacher suggested that I should say whatever popped into my head. I blurted out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 180

You deserved it 9 161

Modern anxieties

By Cam - 26/10/2022 06:00

Today, one of my best friends got over 6k followers on Instagram in less than 2 months. I've had my account almost two years and can't get over 500. I'm the one that taught her all the "cheats" to get into the algorithm. They worked for her but not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 893

Crushed

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom - Saint Ives

Today, I appreciated how much my older sister is engaged and fully appreciative of how wonderful my girlfriend is… until my girlfriend told me that she has a huge crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 127

Teacher's pet

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 20:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, I managed to lose my engagement ring, and damage my car. But that was a cakewalk from what happened later, when a teen student tried to set fire to the classroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 116

Great relationship you got there…

By anon - 26/10/2022 00:00

Today, I had to blast music, turn the lights on, and physically drag my 29 year-old girlfriend out of bed to wake her up. All the while, she verbally abused me. This is the only way to wake her up, and if I don't do it, she will sleep through the day and then scream at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 513

Sucks for grandma too

By What about granny - 25/10/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, my mom made the (not) very wise decision to once again inform me that my grandma is in rapidly declining health, and as a result she is not long for this world. My brain took this as an opportunity to push my anxiety into overdrive. I can't stop thinking about what will happen when my grandma dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 257

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Family Holidays Miscellaneous AITA Transportation Am I overreacting? Cars Cheating Suspicious Contraception Love Pregnancy Scary Christmas Sex Awkward Weddings Singing Embarrassing My ex Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument

The Top

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said, "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 056

You deserved it 55 281

Today, my best friend called me a slut during an argument, and I couldn't stop myself from laughing. She lost her virginity at 13 years-old, and all four of her kids have a different dad. When I mentioned it, she gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 149

The Top

Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 633

Today, I got a call from the police informing me that my car was involved in an accident outside my house. At least I can prove I was in another continent when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 78

Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 270

You deserved it 478

Today, my family is still telling me to "get over" the death of my great aunt. The great aunt who always gave the most wonderful birthday gifts, and was overall one of the most pleasant people I've ever met, and I'm NOT allowed to be sad that she's gone. Did I mention she died on my birthday? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 125

Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 206

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 986

You deserved it 393