All the FMLs

Whispering wind

By dabull - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 700

You deserved it 4 113

Love in the time of Facebook

By StillAlone - 23/10/2022 06:00

Today, I noticed my ex had unblocked me on Facebook. Since I still miss her and haven't been able to find love since our breakup, I sent her a friend request, thinking maybe she was leaving the door open for me, and we could reconcile. Apparently I was wrong because she promptly blocked me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 1 675

I need a wipe!

By Not funnu - 23/10/2022 04:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I crashed my motorbike and broke both my arms. I now have to rely on my mom and aunt taking turns to do everything for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 256

Secretive

By whattheHellman - 23/10/2022 09:00 - Australia - Traralgon

Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 125

Waiting…

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 22:00

Today, I celebrated my birthday. By that, I mean I spent most of the day alone in a field, waiting for my boyfriend to have time for me, then we broke up, and I ended up spending the evening crying alone on a beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 132

About last night…

By Couch Potato - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I slept on the couch last night. She also seems to have forgotten that we had an argument last night, after which she stormed into our bedroom and locked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 626

You deserved it 3 281

Alexa, play "Make It Stop" by Low

By Sonotsuave - 22/10/2022 12:00 - United States - Mclean

Today, like every day since the new neighbors moved into the townhouse next door, their newborn won’t stop crying. The room the two toddlers and newborn are in apparently shares a wall with my bedroom, so I hear crying while I work remote, study remote, and try to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 136

Easy mistake to make

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 14:00

Today, I saw a bird almost get run over in the middle of the road, so I stopped the traffic to go rescue it. It was an Adidas slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 799

Gutsy move

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 211

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 870

I'm bad at confrontation

By Trippy Penguin - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally forgot my glasses in a store bathroom. When I finally noticed, I went back to find that someone was wearing them as he was walking out of the store. I didn't have the balls to call him out on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 181

You deserved it 48 145

Mystery lump

By Pinky Paranoid - 22/10/2022 06:00

Today, and for the past few years, I've had a mysterious lump on my pinky finger that will not go away. Every doctor I've gone to has absolutely no idea what it is, or why it even showed up. I'm starting to think that I wouldn't like to find out what it is, if even a medical professional can't say for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 77

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 04:00

Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 162

Classic

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 00:00

Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 1 442

Chess players, I swear…

By Ryanbakr - 21/10/2022 22:00

Today, I tried playing chess with my wife sober, and remembered why we only play while I'm trashed drunk. She's so bad, I have to be on the precipice of alcohol poisoning to even enjoy playing with her. Otherwise, it's like playing a 2 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 1 032

Alas, poor Mickey

By socksoffire - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 671

You deserved it 4 926

You are what you eat

By i wonder why - 21/10/2022 07:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 541

Many such cases

By Homunculus1 - 21/10/2022 14:00

Today, my wife admitted she loves me as a father to our children, but is no longer attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 102

Sex Ed is a mess

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 12:00

Today, my daughter told me that she’s pregnant with twins. It would be an exciting piece of news, except for the fact that she’s a sophomore in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 190

High pressure environment

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 01:00 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, it's been two weeks since my wife started her new job. She got overwhelmed and fell off the wagon on Monday. Instead of going to work, she spent the last week passed out drunk, and she'll probably get fired. We really needed that 100k a year she was going to make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 147

WTF are you doing in here?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 5 714

Dumbest cheater

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 06:00

Today, and for the last few weeks, I'd let the nagging feeling that my boyfriend was up to something go. It's also the day I found his messages to other girls on Xbox Live of all things. On a profile that we both share. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 137

Morning surprise

By Anonymous - 20/10/2022 22:00 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, I woke up and got ready for class. I let the dogs outside while I got ready, then brought them back in. As I was putting my shoes on, I felt something warm and mushy. One of my dogs had pooped in my shoe right as I was leaving. I missed the city bus and was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 187

Toxic

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 02:00

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend ever wants to hug me is just after he's let off a fart and wants to pull me into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 170

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 00:00

Today, I got demoted at work and had a pay cut taken, all because I got sick from cancer and haven't recovered well enough to do every task. We are not short staffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 112

Our Kansas

By Anonymous - 20/10/2022 15:00 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, my son waited until the night before he had a presentation on Arkansas due to tell me about it. We (meaning me, alone) stayed up until 3 am making a topographical map of the state out of plaster and drywall. At 8 a.m., a half hour after he got on the bus, I found it laying on his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 1 629

Kinda sus, Amogus

By There are 2 cheaters among us - 20/10/2022 11:00 - United States

Today, I tried to play Among Us because the memes have finally died down. I ended up in a server with two guys who were unapologetically using Discord to rat out their killers. They tried to argue that it's not cheating. They were 100% serious, and in fact they kicked everyone out when we asked them to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 210

What does it all mean?

By Anonymous - 20/10/2022 16:00

Today, I once again realized that I have no idea what I am supposed to do in this life, and don't know what to do with myself. I just live because that's the easiest thing to do, and try to entertain myself while searching for meaning. The meaning to my life; what I should pursue. I've been searching for a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 289

No thanks

By Reality-Checked Wallflower - 20/10/2022 14:00

Today, I overheard my school counselor mentioning that community service is required to graduate. As a Senior who is a good, well-behaved student, but rarely leaves my house due to social anxiety and hearing problems, this is kind of a HUGE problem. And no, nobody else ever told me about this until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 220

Bad boy

By Pythagoras_is_from_Mars - 20/10/2022 03:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my first day on dating apps in a long time. I have a prominent facial scar from a car accident that happened a long time ago. All the girls that contact me want to hear stories of dangerous behavior and jealous exes. I'm a small town high school math teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 113

Keywords

Politics Thanksgiving Miscellaneous Family Holidays AITA Transportation Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Scary Christmas Sex Awkward Weddings Singing Embarrassing My ex Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument

The Top

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 203

You deserved it 17 042

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 111

The Top

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 042

You deserved it 38 992

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said, "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 5 079

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 380

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 257

You deserved it 3 801

Today, my teacher said that since I was sick last week, I had to do all the work that the others had done, which I didn't know about because no one said anything about it. So now I've got to watch a total of 5 hours-worth of documentaries, and write analysis of them. Before tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 191

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 405

You deserved it 5 894