All the FMLs

This is great

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 23:00 - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I started my day with terrible food poisoning and ending my day alone, with a boyfriend in jail. We've had one short conversation since he was arrested. My birthday is in three days, and we have no idea if he will be released in time because of the system working slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 451

The customer is always an ass

By muffins - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Potomac

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 648

You deserved it 4 666

Method acting

By emmy - 08/09/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was working as a stagehand for one of my college classes. I’m diabetic and can’t go without food for more than a few hours. I was told that if I left early, ate anything backstage, or passed out, I would fail the class. I passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 77

Rules are for squares

By He's old enough to know better! - 08/09/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my boss's oldest son challenged me to a chess game. I've been practicing a lot, so I decided to humor him. He was a challenging opponent; not because he was skilled, however, but because he was trying to cheat almost constantly. I felt exasperated, rather than accomplished, when I beat him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 64

How can I put this…?

By jkl54 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States - Salem

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 321

You deserved it 6 707

Time

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I used to look so young for my age that in high school, I was regularly mistaken for a freshman. I never succeeded in getting dates because of it. Today, I'm 25 years-old and regularly get confused for being in my thirties. I guess all the stress from work, loneliness, and rejection really caught up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 89

Man vs. Machine

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I spent way too long battling a vending machine that ate my dollar but didn’t give me my snack. After shaking it, kicking it, and practically hugging it, I finally gave up. As I walked away in defeat, it dropped the snack. I rushed back to claim my prize… and the janitor grabbed it before I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 92

Best teeth in the game

By jj. - 08/09/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, as always, my mom loudly asked me if I'd brushed my teeth, then replied to my yes with, “I don’t believe you.” All because I forgot to brush my teeth once when I was 5. I’m 17 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 67

Short Kings

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Hornsey

Today, I saw a display with a mirror that said, "You are made in God's image!" I'm too short to be able to see myself in said mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 66

Boundaries

By Alock - 08/09/2024 00:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 89

What we do in the shadows

By suspiciouspeople - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8 to 9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 948

You deserved it 5 357

Fuzzy logic

By It’s just peach fuzz on my cheeks, but still - 07/09/2024 18:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to come to terms with having more facial hair than my boyfriend, despite being female since birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 82

Silver lining?

By girlwhywouldImarryyou - 07/09/2024 11:00 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I received a text message from an unknown man. Apparently, after I proposed last week, she broke things off with him. I thought this affair message was a joke until he proved it by sending me photos of them together. She had told him that she was going to leave me for him, unless "I made up my mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 109

"If I could turn back time…"

By inappropes - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 993

Mixed signals, mixed results

By Anonymous - 07/09/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, the guy I'm in love with invited me out to a gig with him and his friends, only to then try to set me up with his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 117

One simple trick

By Keith87 - 07/09/2024 12:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I realized I've been using conditioner instead of shampoo for the last month. I was wondering why my hair never felt clean but always smelled great. Now I have to explain to my friends that my new "shampoo routine" was actually just expensive conditioner and ignorance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 439

What?

By Anonymous - 07/09/2024 14:00 - Indonesia

Today, I went to a cafe to order some food. The person at the counter was at least 30 cm taller than me, was wearing a mask, and had a quiet voice. I heard him ask, “Takeaway?” so I said no. He repeated the question three more times and I said no every time. Turns out he was asking “Dine in or takeaway?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 121

The struggle is real

By Momguilt - 06/09/2024 21:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, after I felt bad for living off food stamps and government assistance so I could be home with my kids after their dad died, I decided to go to school and get a career to support them. Now that I’m working, I feel bad for not having much time to spend with them. I can’t win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 116

Rah rah rah

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 556

You deserved it 5 085

Having fun over there?

By Anonymous - 07/09/2024 00:00 - South Africa - Durban

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I'd been on the elliptical machine for twenty minutes without having actually turned it on. I was just moving the pedals and wondering why I wasn’t getting tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 306

Old timey

By Anonymous - 06/09/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, while on a blind date, I told her in no uncertain terms that if I got married, my wife would need to be a housewife. She burst out laughing and asked, "Dude, do you even HAVE a house?" and walked out laughing when I said I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 627

Stormy weather

By Bribri - 06/09/2024 20:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I got mad at my boyfriend and gave him the silent treatment. He still hasn’t noticed. It’s been four hours, and he just asked if I wanted to order pizza, assuming I was "thinking really hard about something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 885

The price of love

By that kind of girl - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Mississauga

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 751

You deserved it 5 060

This is mine now

By K……y - 06/09/2024 16:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my new couch was delivered. As the delivery guys left, I came back into the living room and noticed a bad but familiar smell. I turned the couch cushions over to discover that my cat had already claimed it as her personal litter tray. The return policy doesn’t cover "cat defilement." FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 437

Entitled much?

By r/entitledparents material right here - 06/09/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, a woman came up to me at a restaurant and asked if her autistic son could borrow my headphones. I agreed, but when they were leaving and I asked for them back, she accused me of trying to steal MY headphones that she BORROWED from me. If not for other people backing me up, I would have lost them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 154

Blundering my way through life

By Anonymous - 06/09/2024 12:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I accidentally spoiled the ending of a movie for a group of friends who hadn’t seen it yet. In an attempt to apologize, I blurted out, "At least I didn’t tell you the twist!" They didn't even know that there was a twist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 594

Guess who?

By Bossman Bill - 06/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, I walked into our office and everyone started laughing. It turns out that I'd been the only one not in on the joke to come in dressed as a character from our favorite TV show. However, I'd dressed in normal work clothes. I’m the boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 105

Neglected

By Busy mom - 06/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I got a call from my kid’s school, saying my daughter had a minor accident on the playground. When they asked her who to call, she'd said, "My mom’s probably in a meeting. Call the pizza place, they always pick up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 422

Love story

By theatreismylife - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says, "What's a pronoun?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 816

You deserved it 12 360

Choose your fighter

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during the night, we thought we had an intruder, but it was my girlfriend who grabbed a hammer and went downstairs to check. After it turned out to be the damn cat, I asked her why she made me stay upstairs. Apparently because she’s seen me fight in the past, she felt much safer doing it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 472

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Awkward Embarrassing Health Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Love Weird Work Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Gamers

The Top

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 294

You deserved it 9 654

The Top

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 148

You deserved it 2 495

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 520

You deserved it 880

Today, my husband and I had our first prenatal appointment. My doctor told us we shouldn't have sex during the first trimester, "just to be safe". He has no evidence to back this, but now my husband is too scared to touch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 344

You deserved it 1 643

Today, I tried making a dramatic exit during an argument, but my jacket got stuck on the door handle. My epic moment was ruined as I wrestled to free myself while my opponent just stood there, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 140

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 702

You deserved it 2 248

Today, I drove 3 hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in 3 weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 804

You deserved it 2 375